Thanks to Tuttie for inspiration for this post

I was just over at Tuttie's blog, and she had a new post regarding adoption. Which got me thinking: I don't know a single Muslim family that has adopted children or were adopted themselves. This is a big deal to me, since I was adopted as a baby and I would like to adopt children at some point Insha'Allah.

I know the rules about adoption in Islam, and for the most part they make sense. Adopted children are never to be fooled into thinking that they are their adoptive parents' biological child; I know that not telling kids they are adopted used to be standard practice years ago in order to prevent kids from feeling "different" or weird, and some people still do this. I think this attitude is devastating to a child; everyone has the right to know who they are and where they came from, and some adoptions deny children these rights. In Islam, children are to keep the names their biological parents gave them in order to maintain bonds, and they must be allowed information about and access to their biological families. I am in a closed adoption, meaning that up until I turned 18 I was not allowed any information about my biological parents, not even medical information. Everyone goes through identity issues, and for adopted people these issues are magnified because of this lack of information. Alhamdulillah, Islamic law tries to prevent this withholding of information as much as possible. Adoptive parents are indeed special, and deep, loving bonds can be formed between them and the adopted children, but no matter what happens the parents and children will never be biologically related. Islam also recognizes this fact and prohibits adoptive parents from calling adopted children their biological children.

There are a few things that I am struggling with given my status as a Muslim that has been adopted. As a rule, adoptive parents are not mahrams (people who are blood-relatives and are forbidden to marry), although if the adoptive mother breastfeeds the adopted child at a certain age then the adoptive parents are mahrams. I was never breastfed, so my adopted parents are not mahrams to me. This is especially difficult with the case of the relationship between me and my adoptive father. Since my father is a non-mahram man, he technically cannot see me without hijab, and I am not allowed to have physical contact with him. This is very hard for me to fathom; this man has been a father to me for practically all my life. He has sacrificed so much so that I could have a good life. We share everything. For me to suddenly have to cover up in front of him and not hug him anymore really saddens me. Since my parents still don't know that I'm Muslim, and they hold a lot of misconceptions and negative feelings about Islam, these rules will only make their feelings towards Islam even worse. I was so concerned about this that I talked to the Muslim chaplain at my college, who in turn talked to a local sheikh. He said that given my situation, I could temporarily suspend these rules. Alhamdulillah, I am so glad that Islam is meant to be a mercy and not a hardship on people.

Some people do not seem very sympathetic about my situation. Someone told me that I could not lead prayers because I am an illegitimate child. I thought that the Qur'an said that people are only responsible for themselves and do not have to pay for the sins of others. It is not my fault that I am illegitimate, so why should I be denied a privilege because my birthparents did something they shouldn't have done? I actually found this passage a couple days ago from a book about false hadiths:
" 'An illegitimate child cannot enter the Paradise nor anyone from his descendents to as far as the seventh generation.' Related by At Tabaraani and classified fabricated by Ibn Jawzee. This fabricated hadith contradicts the Holy Qur'an. In Surah Najm (53:58), ALLAH says (translation of the meaning), 'No soul shall be made to bear the burden of another (i.e. sins).' And in Surah Faatir (35:18), ALLAH says (translation of the meaning), '...And if one heavily laden with burden (i.e. sins) calls another to bear his load, nothing of it will be lifted even though he will be near of kin...' An illegitimate child had no choice whether to be legitimate or illegitimate. The blame lies totally with his or her parents. To insinuate that ALLAH will punish an illegitimate child due to the sins of the parents is unIslamic and illogical. ALLAH is not an oppressor and hence He doesn't punish a person for the sin of another. ...As for the hadith that says the illegitimate child should not lead the salah, this hadith is classified weak. The imam which the Muslims are not supposed to pray behind is the one who is an open sinner..." (Taken from 100 Fabricated Hadith, kalamullah.com)

It also seems strange that I am technically allowed to not wear hijab in front of my biological father and brothers, and I can hug and kiss them, even though they are total strangers to me and I would feel very uncomfortable doing these things.

Does anyone know adopted Muslims or Muslims that have adopted children?