Have you ever had an intense spiritual experience?

Salaam alaikum,

I was just on sunniforum.com, and there was a thread called "Overwhelmed during dhikr?" It reminded me of a spiritual experience that I had that I will never forget, Insha'Allah.

The date was February 14, 2009. The masjid that I attend holds a retreat every year for teenagers, college students, and young professionals. I was a bit hesitant about going, since I was afraid that somehow my parents would find out about it, but after plenty of prodding from my friends I gave in. I wasn't at all sure what to expect, but my best friend said that it is a great iman booster. She warned me that she cried the last time she went because it was so spiritually overwhelming, and that I might cry also. I'm normally a pretty stoic person, so I doubted that this would happen to me.

The first night we were there, all 100+ attendants listened to a lecture on the characteristics of the Prophet Muhammad (saw). At this point I had only been Muslim for a few months, and I was very unfamiliar with the life and teachings of the Prophet (saw). I listened attentively and was surprised at how much I learned. At one point, the speaker told a narration about how one of the sahaba saw Prophet Muhammad (saw) crying. He asked what was wrong, and Muhammad (saw) said that he was sad that he would never be able to meet the ummah of future generations. I don't know what happened, but after I heard that I started to tear up. I had never heard of such compassion and concern, and the fact that Prophet Muhammad (saw), the most important person in history, actually cared about his followers thousands of years later touched me deeply.

On February 14th, around 2:00 p.m., the retreat directors announced for everyone to put on their coats; we were about to go on a "dhikr walk". We were not told where we were walking to, and we weren't allowed to talk to anyone; we could only make dhikr to ourselves. They gave us all a sheet with a few dhikrs and du'as that we could say to ourselves. I left the masjid saying to myself "Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, la ilaha illa ALLAH, ALLAHu Akbar" and the du'as on the sheet. As we walked, I continued to say these words. At one point, something changed for me. I started to really ponder the meanings of what I was saying, and they were exceptionally beautiful. I started to realize just how much ALLAH had blessed me in my life, from giving me a loving family, to giving me food and shelter, to allowing me to get an education, for guiding me to Islam. I thought about all the sins that I had committed, and how I had been so ungrateful. I started crying out of guilt and sadness, but also out of happiness, as I knew that ALLAH would forgive me since I had truly repented. At this point, the walk ended on top of a hill overlooking downtown Boston. The sun was setting, and the sky was a beautiful golden blue. The director told us that we were going to join together in saying out loud "La ilaha illa ALLAH" continuously for a few minutes. We all started saying this, and that's when I felt ALLAH's presence. I felt in my heart that ALLAH had forgiven me, and that no matter what happens in life ALLAH will always be there for me. It literally felt like my heart was going to burst from sheer ecstasy and joy. I completely lost it; I was absolutely bawling, so much that I could barely say the dhikr. I didn't bring any tissues with me, so I had to blow my nose on an old homework assignment from my Urdu class. Never before in my life had I felt anything like this, and never had the words of the shahadah meant so much to me. Even though I started practicing Islam in September 2008 and said my shahadah in December 2008, I felt like I was "born again" into Islam on February 14, 2009.

After this experience, I have changed. I vowed to pray all my prayers on time, to be sure to wear proper hijab, to read Qur'an more frequently, and, of course, to make dhikr more often. I feel that in spiritual matters I am much more emotional. Now when I read Qur'an I feel a much stronger connection to ALLAH. Sometimes I cry during my salat, and I cannot get through listening to Qasidah Burdah without welling up. I believe that the feelings of religious epiphanies and spiritual experiences are by far the best feelings in the world.

Have you ever had any intense spiritual experiences?

My thoughts on hijab

Salaam alaikum,

I'm finally giving in and talking about the topic that is pretty much mandatory to discuss at some point or another in Muslim womens' blogs: hijab. For the sake of clarity, when I say "hijab" in this article I will be referring to the whole concept of modesty, inner and outer. The headscarf will be called a "khimar" and the outer garment will be called "jilbab" (whether this is in the form of an abaya, a long coat, a chador, a pardesu, a long skirt, a long shirt or dress over pants, etc.).

I personally love wearing hijab. I love knowing that I am following a commandment of ALLAH, and Alhamdulillah it has not been much of a struggle for me. Also, I think I look a lot prettier wearing a khimar and jilbab than without, if I do say so myself. :)

I believe that hijab is required of Muslim women, but I also believe that, going along with the "no compulsion in religion" verse in the Qur'an, hijab must not be forced on women. If you're not going to wear it for yourself (and, more importantly, for ALLAH) and are only wearing it because someone is telling you you have to, why wear it at all?

Insha'Allah, I would like to try and wear niqab someday. I am of the opinion that it is highly recommended, but not obligatory (whereas I believe wearing a khimar and jilbab is obligatory). I don't think it would be a feasible idea now since I'm in college, but Insha'Allah I'll buy a niqab and try wearing it around Boston (where I go to school) one of these days.

One of the main reasons why women say that wearing hijab is obligatory is to protect themselves against men staring at them and to not tempt men. This, to me, is perfectly reasonable and understandable. Believe me, I've had plenty of creepy guys cat-call at me and do jerky things, and I've noticed that these incidents have decreased since I started observing hijab. However, I sometimes feel annoyed when some women keep emphasizing the point about how we need to cover ourselves because of men. I think we need to give men some credit; sure, there are some pervs out there that will get turned on by anything, but there are waaaay more men who have self-control. It seems like these women assume that all men are out to degrade them, and that if they don't wear hijab then they'll definitely be harassed or worse (Audhubillah, ALLAH protect us). Again, I don't think this is true. In my opinion, I wear hijab primarily because it is what ALLAH wants for me, and I feel peace in the satisfaction I get in knowing that I am doing this for ALLAH. I also wear it because it lets the whole world know that I am a Muslim (I think it says in the Qur'an that women should wear hijab so that they may be recognized (as Muslims) and not annoyed). It also serves as a very physical reminder to myself that I am a Muslim, and thus need to behave in a certain way. In this way, I equate hijab to the kippahs/yarmulkes and tzitzit (fringes) that Jewish men wear; they wear the kippah as a physical reminder that ALLAH is above them, and the tzitzit are there as a reminder to follow ALLAH's commandments.

I know that there are many Muslim women who do not wear hijab for whatever reason. It is not my place at all to judge; only ALLAH knows what is in peoples' hearts. Perhaps some women do not feel that it is obligatory. Some women might not be ready to observe it yet. Other women might want to wear it but is prevented from doing so for some reason. I know that when I am back in my hometown, I can't wear hijab because of the situation with my parents. This doesn't mean that I don't want to wear it, but if a Muslim saw me they might look down upon me for not wearing it. It's all a matter of perspective. Just because some people don't wear it now doesn't mean they never will. As Muslim sisters, all we can do is encourage and help each other in the best way possible.

I don't want to end this post without mentioning hijab for men. Guys, you aren't off the hook for dressing modestly! Remember to cover AT LEAST from your navel to your knee, but preferably wear long pants, long shirts (so us ladies won't be tempted to stare at your chests!), and a cap, as Prophet Muhammad (saw) did. And don't forget a beard!

And for everyone: Before any mention of clothing, ALLAH said in the Qur'an for men and women to LOWER OUR GAZES. Observing hijab with our eyes and hearts is much more important than the clothes hijab!

So what's YOUR struggle?

Salaam alaikum,

So for the past week I've been off from college on Christmas break. Alhamdulillah, it's always nice to get some rest and not have to worry about deadlines and putting effort into things. :)

It's always nice to come home and see my family and friends, to stuff my face with food whenever I want, to sleep late, to have my parents pay for things. As great as this all is, there are some things I really can't stand about being at home, enough so that I sometimes wish that I didn't ever have to come home. These all have to do with me being a Muslim.

At school, I pray all five prayers (and some sunnah prayers) on time. I can fast whenever I'm able. I wear hijab and am slowly but surely incorporating jilbab into my wardrobe. I read and listen to Qur'an. I attend the masjid at least once a week. I hang out with primarily other Muslim ladies at my college. I eat only dhabiha and kosher meats, and I avoid alcohol. I liberally pepper my conversations with the phrases "Alhamdulillah", "Masha'Allah", "Subhanallah", "Astaghfirullah", "Insha'Allah", etc. I am openly Muslim and I am proud.

At home, I can do none of these things.

The hardest thing to do by far is keep up with my prayers. Alhamdulillah, I have been able to keep all five prayers and pray them on time (except for when I forget to wake up for fajr and have to pray it late, Astaghfirullah). However, this is definitely no walk in the park. The only place in the house where I have some privacy is in my room, so when it comes time to pray I have to close my door. Even so, my parents interrupt me while I'm in prayer SO often, either by calling me or by knocking on my door. I have no choice but to answer them, because if I didn't they would barge into my room to see what was up and they would catch me praying, and the jig would be up. Then I have to start the prayer all over again, which is so frustrating. To avoid being interrupted numerous times, I have taken to praying the prayers as quickly as possible without leaving anything out. This is definitely not a good way to pray; it loses almost all of its specialness and opportunity to connect with ALLAH, and instead is reduced to a duty that I have to do. Astaghfirullah, I hate that it has to be like this, but I just can't risk my parents catching me in prayer.

When I was home during the summer, Ramadan began. I wouldn't be able to return to school until Ramadan was already half over, meaning that I would have to somehow hide the fact that I was fasting for two weeks. Alhamdulillah, I had a full time job, so I was able to be away from home for most of the day; when I got home it was usually almost time for maghrib, so I was fine. There was one time, though, when I didn't have work and my mom was having a dinner party during the day, so I actually had to put food in my mouth and then discreetly spit it out (I think I ended up swallowing some food despite my efforts). Alhamdulillah, I got through it, but I am NOT looking forward to this year's Ramadan, when it will start even earlier in the summer and I will be home for almost all of it. Needless to say, I will not be able to fast tomorrow in honor of Ashura.

Hijab is totally out of the question here at home. One of the things my mom dislikes most about Islam is the way Muslim women dress, because it is "oppressive" and "chauvinist". I have a hijab with me that I wear for salat, and whenever I leave the house without my family or any chance of them seeing me I wear it. It literally makes me sad, though, when I'm out with them and I see a Muslim family and I can't say salaam to them, and they won't even know that I'm Muslim.

My parents don't buy halal or kosher meat, and they put alcohol in a lot of their dishes. I can't not eat the food because they will become suspicious. I don't have as much of a problem eating non-dhabiha meats (I didn't start eating exclusively dhabiha until a few months ago), but I feel just awful eating foods that I know have alcohol in them. I try to eat as little of it as possible and then pray for forgiveness afterwards.

Alhamdulillah, about a week ago I was out by myself, and I was able to sneak a trip to the local masjid and pray asr there. It felt so good to be among other Muslims again, although it was a little weird since I was not only the only white person there but also the only one wearing jeans.

Wow, I just read over this and it totally sounds like a major "bitchfest". I really don't mean to complain, but sometimes I just get so frustrated. Astaghfirullah that I am not able to practice Islam as well as I would like to, and Astaghfirullah that I feel like I have to lie to my parents. I will be so relieved when the time comes where I can tell them about my new life and be proud of it, and Insha'Allah they will not be hostile; maybe they will even be inspired enough to explore Islam for themselves and accept it (ALLAHu Alim).

Do any of you, especially the converts out there, have any issues in practicing your religion in front of your family?

Confused...

Salaam alaikum everyone,

Insha'Allah you are all in the best of health and iman.
I know that in Islam women are equal to men in all spiritual matters. ALLAH makes this perfectly clear in the Qur'an in 33:35: "For Muslim men and women,- for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise,- for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward." Subhanallah, this is one of my favorite Qur'anic verses.

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the stereotype of the "submissive Muslim wife": the wife who adores her husband to the point where it almost seems like worship, who does everything he tells her to do, who never gives her opinion on anything, who waits on him hand and foot and expects no help or thanks, and who dismisses any abuse he dishes out to her because "that's just how men are" or "I deserved it". All of these things seem to be totally based around fear and a sense of duty rather than love and mercy. In the Holy Qur'an, ALLAH has said "He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)..." (30:21). From what I gather from this verse, the relationship between husbands and wives is supposed to be one of mutual kindness, love, and respect. The Qur'an calls spouses "garments" for one another in 2:187. Both the husband and the wife need to put effort into the relationship; it can't be all give or all take.

I have been reading a few articles recently about the ideal Muslim husband and wife (no, I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon, Insha'Allah), and I have been getting mixed messages. Some have emphasized these Qur'anic verses and the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw) on how the relationship should be; they acknowledge the rights that each party has over the other, and they urge people to follow the way the Prophet (saw) and his wives lived and, most importantly, to help each other follow ALLAH to the best of their abilities. Some articles, however, seemed to fall into stereotypes. The sections about ideal Muslim wives was a mile long, saying how they must strive to keep their husbands completely happy and always obey him in everything. The sections about the ideal Muslim husbands, however, wasn't nearly as long, and basically said to be nice to your wife and help her out "from time to time". It seemed like the wife has to devote her whole life to her husband, while the husband doesn't have to do much. These articles also backed up a lot of their statements with hadiths. But it also seemed like they stretched the meanings of the hadiths out, like they took the hadiths and made big generalizations about what they meant.

I hope to get married one day Insha'Allah, and I will definitely try my best to be a good wife, following the Qur'an and Sunnah. Nevertheless, I also want my husband to be devoted and loving. I want us to have a relationship where we are like "garments" for each other, and where we have true tranquillity between each other.

Does anyone else get mixed messages about the interaction between husbands and wives? I don't want to disobey ALLAH in terms of how a woman should treat her husband, but I also don't want to feel like a "little wife". Any thoughts/advice?

Happy New Year!

Today, at sunset, begins the month of Muharram, meaning that the year 1431 AH has begun. Happy New Year, everyone, and may it be full of iman and baraka, Insha'Allah!

If you are able, don't forget to fast on the day of Ashura (December 27)!

Eight Things!

I was tagged by HijabChic. Thanks for giving me an idea for a new post!

8 things I'm looking forward to:
1. having finals week be OVER
2. eating the sushi that is sitting on my desk
3. seeing my two best friends from home!
4. my new classes next semester
5. Insha'Allah, getting married and having children at some point
6. going to see "The Princess and the Frog" with my best friend (yeah, real mature :) )
7. being able to come back to school three weeks early
8. dorking around watching television with my best college friend in January

8 things I wish I could do:
1. have more taqwa
2. be more focused and joyful when it comes to salat
3. be able to tell my parents and family that I'm a Muslim
4. find cheap jilbabs!
5. have a halal restaurant (that delivers!) close to my college
6. travel all over the world
7. find my soul mate
8. speak Arabic.

8 things I love:
1. ALLAH
2. Prophet Muhammad (saw) and his family
3. all the Prophets (peace be upon them all) and the righteous people
4. quality time with my best friends
5. Youtube
6. stupid humor
7. Disney movies
8. eating

8 things I did yesterday:
1. attempted to study and write an essay for my Urdu class...did not happen
2. ate
3. prayed
4. slept
5. read blogs
6. watched episodes of Family Guy
7. checked my email
8. went on Facebook
Needless to say, my life has not been particularly exciting lately.

8 shows I watch
1. The Boondocks <3
2. American Dad
3. Family Guy
4. Top Chef
5. The Simpsons
6. The Soup
7. The Office
8. Law and Order

8 bloggers I tag:
I tag everyone who's reading this!!

New (real) post coming up soon, Insha'Allah

Salaam alaikum everyone,

Sorry about the serious lack of blogging on my part. It is the dreaded "end of the semester" time at college where everything is due. I have a ton of work to get done, but Insha'Allah it should clear up a bit by this weekend, allowing me time to write a decent post. Stick around Insha'Allah! <3

Alhamdulillah

Since Thanksgiving and Eid al-Adha basically overlap this year, I've been pondering quite a bit over both of them. I realized, just now in fact, how similar Eid al-Adha is to Thanksgiving. Ibrahim, peace be upon him, was asked to sacrifice his beloved son as a sign of devotion to ALLAH (swt). As difficult as this was (I can't imagine being asked to kill your own child), Ibrahim chose to obey ALLAH, knowing that ALLAH knew best. When ALLAH saw that Ibrahim was obedient and strong enough in his iman to give up his precious son, He told Ibrahim that he didn't have to sacrifice his son and sent an animal in his place for slaughter. To commemorate this event, and to thank ALLAH for His Great Mercy to Ibrahim, we Muslims celebrate Eid. Eid al-Adha can be seen as one big Thanksgiving Day to ALLAH for everything He does for us. In honor of Eid al-Adha and Thanksgiving, I would like to give a brief list of things I am thankful for:

-my family
-my friends
-my educational opportunities at my awesome college
-the food that I have and the fact that I have never gone hungry
-my clothes
-my electronics
-my good health
-animals
-the Muslim chaplain at my college, who has helped me so much with increasing my Islamic knowledge
-the community at my masjid, who make me so proud to be a part of this ummah and serve as great examples of Muslims in America
-the human body and its amazing systems
-sleep
-my beloved deen of Islam

For all these things and everything else in the world, I thank ALLAH. Thank You so much, ALLAH, for everything You do for me and the world. Please help me remain faithful in You forever, and please keep me on Sirat al-Mustaqeem, and let my body, heart and soul never stop praising You. AMEEN!

Eid Mubarak everyone, and Happy Thanksgiving! <3

Y'all's Eid Plans?

Salaam alaikum ladies (and gents)!

Insha'Allah you're all doing well. It's finally Friday, Alhamdulillah, and only one week until Eid!!

Now the question that has been asked a bazillion times before: "What are you doing for Eid?"

Unfortunately, I will not be able to celebrate Eid this year. It is during my Thanksgiving break, meaning I will be at home. Because my parents do not know that I am Muslim, and I cannot let them know right now, I can't go to the masjid for Eid prayers or do anything festive. It's frustrating/disappointing to think about, since I would more than anything like to be at school with my pals celebrating, while instead I am in a position where I can't even acknowledge it. Alhamdulillah, I will get to spend time with my two best friends that I haven't seen in months, so that will be my celebration. I'll make them go out to dinner with me or something.

What about you guys? Have you gotten new clothes? Are you preparing awesome food/going to other people's houses for awesome food and companionship? Will you take advantage of the Black Friday sales to go shopping after prayers? (sounds like my kind of holiday, food and shopping!)

A big thank you to all my followers for reading my posts! It really means a lot to me. :)

Until next time, salaam alaikum, and remember to take advantage of these first ten days of Dhu al-Hijjah!

Clothes I Would Actually Wear

Salaam alaikum!

I know I said that my next post would be about the situation with my family, but I am feeling lazy/more in the mood to write about clothes. :)

Alhamdulillah, I started wearing hijab in January of 2009. Before I converted I gradually replaced all my t-shirts and shorts with long pants, long sleeved shirts, and long skirts (not so many long skirts, though, since my mom hates them and said I couldn't wear them more than twice a week). When I got to college, I realized that hijab is more than just wearing a headscarf, which is what I thought all along. Even though my sleeves and pants were long, they still weren't really hijab-appropriate; they were both pretty tight and showed off too much of my shape. I started to throw short dresses on over my shirts and jeans, and made sure the headscarf was a little longer. As time has passed, I've been wearing more skirts, wider pants, and longer dresses and coats. Someday, Insha'Allah, I would like to wear jilbab all the time over my other clothes because I believe this is the way ALLAH wants me to dress. I can't make any major wardrobe changes now (I am a jobless college student, after all), so Alhamdulillah I am making due with the clothes I already have and two jilbabs that I recently bought.

If playing/winning the lottery was halal (or if I found another huge source of money without actually having to work for it), here are the clothes I would blow my money on (these and many other things, surely):

http://www.myhijabshop.com/images/blackHoodAbaya3.jpg

Really casual, just as I like it, and it looks super comfortable.

javascript:CaricaFoto('http://ep.yimg.com/ca/I/shukr_2080_5758366')

A corduroy jilbab is on the top of my list of clothing items to buy. It never goes out of style.

http://hijabistyleseeking.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/wo3002-vintage-wash-2-inset.jpg

Denim jilbabs are also on the top of my list.

Anything from Shukr, really. I am all about plain, classic styles, and Shukr fits it perfectly. I'm not too fond of satin abayas with all the bling on them; give me cotton and denim anyday.

More later, Insha'Allah.

FIRST!

Salaam alaikum, peace be upon you all!

After being a devoted blog follower/creeper for quite some time now, I decided it was finally time to start my own online diary. Please do subscribe if you're so inclined. Although the title of my blog suggests otherwise, I'll try to be as interesting as possible, Insha'Allah (GOD willing).