More About Me

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

As I've mentioned on here before, I love taking and reading online surveys and quizzes; they're a great way to get to know people better. I took this one from Umm Aaminah's blog; feel free to copy it on to your blog with your answers Insha'Allah!

Mark things that apply to you with an X.

(X) I am a cuddler.
(X) I am a morning person. (Yes I am, Alhamdulillah, which is really handy for those 8:30 am classes I have. :P )
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
(X) I am currently single. (Yes, but I'm open for looking for the right guy, Insha'Allah.)
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to my myspace. (Change this to Facebook or Blogger and the answer would be yes.)
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
(X) I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first. (More like all the time. Alhamdulillah, I consider this a good thing, but I could at least improve on being less awkward.)
I bite my nails.
(X) I can be paranoid at times.
I don’t like anyone. (LOL)
I enjoy country music.
(X) I enjoy jazz music. (I like it as background music on TV.)
(X) I enjoy smoothies. (Oh yeah, especially mango smoothies. Om nom nom!)
I enjoy talking on the phone. (HATE talking on the phone.)
I have a car. (Nope, Alhamdulillah Boston has great public transportation.)
(X) I have a cell phone. (Who doesn't?)
(X) I have/had a hard time paying attention at school. (Story of my life.)
I have a hidden talent
(X) I have a lot to learn. (For sure, especially in terms of Islamic knowledge.)
(X) I have a pet. (My family has our sweet standard poodle, Sidney.)
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl
I have all my grandparents
I have at least one brother
(X) I have been to another country. (Canada, Italy, Vatican City, China, Masha'Allah!)
(X) I have been told that I am smart
(X) I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor. (I definitely have a "unique" sense of humor, like a combination of intelligent and 12 year-old boy humor.)
(X) I have OR HAD broken a bone. (I think I broke my toe once.)
(X) I have Caller I.D. on my phone.
(X) I have changed a diaper
(X) I have changed a lot over the past year. (I like to think I have, at least.)
(X) I have done something illegal. (Jaywalked. I know, I'm a regular jailbird.)
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
(X) I have had major/minor surgery. (Very minor, I got cysts removed from my head.)
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
(X) I have mood swings
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
(X) I have rejected someone before. (I've had two complete strangers ask me to marry them; we didn't even know each other's names.)
I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have seen the television show The O.C.
I like Shakespeare.
I like the taste of blood. (*gag*)
(X) I love to cook.
(X) I like to sing. (Alone, in the car or in the shower.)
I love Michael Jackson (I like him, I guess.)
(X) I love sleeping. (I LOVE IT.)
(X) I love to play computer games. (The Sims FTW!)
(X) I love to shop.
(X) I miss someone right now. (So many people.)
I own 100 CDs or more
(X) I own and use a library card
(X) I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
(X) I sleep a lot during the day. (Sometimes)
(X) I strongly dislike math (It is by far my worst subject.)
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I will try almost anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto. (I definitely do ghetto stuff sometimes.)
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
(X) I have had/have a broken heart (I think when I was in like seventh grade.)
Smoked cigarettes. (No, but I've been tempted to.)
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
(X) Collected something really stupid. (Coca-Cola memorabilia)
(X) Gone to a rock concert. (James Taylor is more "soft rock")
(X) Helped someone.
(X) Gone fishing. (Don't do it anymore, I can't bear to watch the fish die. I know, I'm a hypocrite because I love eating fish.)
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
(X) Lied to someone. (It kind of defines the relationship I have with my parents, Astaghfirullah.)
Been dumped.
Failed a class. (No, but I've gotten pretty close.)
(X) Taken a college level course. (I'm a college student.)
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
(X) Been to a funeral.
(X) Burned yourself. (accidentally)
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
(X) Cried yourself to sleep.
(X) Spent over $200 in one day.
(X) Flown on a plane..
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
(X) Gone skiing.
(X) Been sailing.
(X) Cut yourself. (Accidentally)
(X) Had a best friend. (Still have them, Alhamdulillah)
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
(X) Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
(X) Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. (The first one.)
(X) Had an online diary. (I consider this blog to be one.)
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
(X) Had a yard sale.
(X) Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for Pop Idol.
(X) Written poetry.
(X) Read more than 20 books a year.
(X) Gone to Europe.
(X) Loved someone you couldn’t have.
(X) Had surgery. (minor)
(X) Had stitches.
(X) Taken a taxi.
(X) Seen the Washington Monument. (In the car.)
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
(X) Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
(X) Had something pierced. (ears)
(X) Got straight A’s.
(X) Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
(X) Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

Names!!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

I am an absolute sucker for names. I love reading about them, knowing the meanings, etc.; even when I was a little kid I fantasized about what I would name my future children. My mom had this book called "Our Secret Names", which had sociological analyses of different names, the history of names, and the significance of certain names. I read this book so many times that even today I can quote passages and the meanings of names from it.

I never really liked the name "Anne" much. I always found it to be very plain and boring. There were no famous people (famous in my children's world, that is) that shared my name, none of my peers were called "Anne", and it didn't sound pretty. I disliked my name so much that when I was about four, I insisted that everyone call me "Tanya". Tanya was a character in one of my favorite movies ("An American Tail"), and I thought it was gorgeous and elegant. We even have on home video people visiting our house and one of the guests calling me Tanya (probably after me reminding them a million times). When I was older I occasionally tried to tell people that Anne was short for "Anastasia", a name that I adore, but I always came clean and disappointingly told them my real name.

For the longest time my nickname was "Annie", which is what my family and close friends call me. In fifth grade I requested that people call me Anne instead of Annie, because the newly-pubescent me thought that "Annie" sounded too immature and silly (even today it's still like that; I hate it when people I don't know well call me Annie, and likewise I think it's weird when people I've known for a long time call me Anne).

As I've gotten older, I've come to like my name more. It's simple, plain, unassuming, and classic, which I think fits my personality quite well. It's easy to pronounce, no matter what language you speak. It has a good meaning too; it's a diminuitive of the name "Chana", which means "grace" in Hebrew.

After becoming a Muslim, I've had people ask me what my "Islamic" name is. I have decided not to change my name; it's the name my parents gave me, and it has a good meaning, so I have no desire or need to change it. If I did decide to add a name, it would be an "Amat" name, i.e. "Amatul + one of the 99 Names of ALLAH", since what could be a better name than expressing one's struggle to be a slave of ALLAH? For the record, I love the 99 Names of ALLAH. Subhanallah, they are all so beautiful, and I love the concept of calling on ALLAH by His Perfect Characteristics.

Of course, I've thought about the names I want to give to my children (with my husband's input, obviously). I personally don't think that Arabic names are automatically the best names. Of course, the "Abd" and "Amat" names, the names of the Prophets (peace be upon them) and the Righteous People (may ALLAH be pleased with them), and Islamic concept names (e.g. "Sakeenah", "Zahed", etc.) are the best names and are going to be in Arabic. However, I probably wouldn't pick out a name just because it's Arabic (e.g. Yasmeen, Asad) yet doesn't have any connection to Islam. For example, I like the names Saosan (Arabic: "lily of the valley") and Ellen (Greek: "bright one"), both names with secular meanings. I wouldn't automatically pick Saosan because it's an Arabic name while Ellen isn't. Whatever my childrens' first names are, I would definitely like to give them an "Abd" or "Amat" name as a middle name, Insha'Allah.

Here is a list of the names I really like, along with their meanings/history.

BOYS: MUHAMMAD: our Beloved Prophet (saw)
ADAM: the first man and first Prophet (as)
IBRAHIM: a great Prophet and Friend of ALLAH (as)
TARIQ: night-star, knocker (the meaning of this word is one of the things that drew me to accept Islam; see http://miraclesofthequran.com/scientific_38.html; if you listen to what a pulsar sounds like (http://www.jb.man.ac.uk/~pulsar/Education/Sounds/B0329.au) it sounds just like a rhythmic knocking, Subhanallah.)
ZAHID: one who renounces the world and is fully devoted to ALLAH
DANIEL: Hebrew- ALLAH is my Judge; Daniel is mentioned in a few hadiths, and the Hebrew meaning is beautiful Masha'Allah
BILAL: one of the Companions of Prophet Muhammad (saw), the first muaddhin (caller of the adhan)

GIRLS: SARAH: princess, wife of Ibrahim (as), also a name in my family
MARYAM: mother of Prophet Isa (as), the most noble woman to have ever lived (ra)
SAKEENAH: the peace of mind and tranquillity sent down by ALLAH
KHADIJAH: first wife of Prophet Muhammad (saw), first woman (some say first person) to convert to Islam (ra)
BILQIS: Queen of Sheba, corresponds with Prophet Sulayman (as), and ultimately submits to ALLAH
NUSAYBAH: a famous warrior who fought right alongside Muhammad (saw) and protected him from attacks, suffering injuries in the process; she fought in several more key battles and held a status of high respect throughout the Muslim world later in her life
WASILA: a term used in the Qur'an meaning "drawing close to ALLAH"
ELLEN: Greek- bright one

For their middle names (these could be "Abd" for boys or "Amat" for girls, but I'll just use the "Abd" forms in this list):

Abdul-Wadud: Servant of The Loving
Abdul-Waliyy: Servant of The Protecting Friend
Abdur-Rahman: Servant of The Compassionate
Abdus-Salaam: Servant of The Source of Peace
Abdur-Razzaaq: Servant of The Sustainer
Abdur-Ra'uf: Servant of The Kind
Abdul-Ghafur: Servant of The Forgiver and Hider of Faults
Abdul-Kabeer: Servant of The Greatest


Do you have any names that you really like? Any times in your life when you wanted to change your name? Any funny name stories?

Update

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone, and Ramadhan Mubarak!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while; honestly I've just been busy. The lovely Caraboska mentioned that she was concerned that I haven't posted recently especially given my situation, so I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm fine Alhamdulillah (and thanks so much for the sweet sentiment Caraboska! <3 ).

So the first week of Ramadhan is over, and I am very happy to announce that I have successfully completed all the fasts. ALLAHu Akbar! This is a really big deal for me, since my mom said that I was absolutely forbidden to fast and presumably would be watching me to make sure that I eat. Alhamdulillah, I've been keeping very busy for the past eight days with work and volunteering, so I've been able to skip lunch and dinner times at home. I'm kind of worried about tomorrow since my mom said that she wants us all to eat dinner together, but Insha'Allah I'll think of a way to get out of it. This weekend my parents and sister are going out of town on vacation Insha'Allah, so I will have the house to myself again. My period is due really soon too Insha'Allah, which is one week where I don't have to worry about hiding, so I only really have one week left of keeping on the down low before I go back to school.

As far as my Ramadhan goals, I've been moderately successful with them Alhamdulillah. I've managed to keep all the fasts, and I've been volunteering a lot with the intention of it counting as sadaqah. I have been avoiding music, instead listening to nasheeds and the Qur'an. I'm a bit behind on my Qur'an reading, but Insha'Allah I'll catch up with it tonight. I've been very careful with my "fast of the tongue", i.e. trying to avoid gossiping or talking bad about others, and I've been mindful of not losing my temper. One thing that I really want to work on is praying sunnah prayers. I haven't been praying them at my parents' house, partly because I don't have much time to myself to pray before someone walks in on me, so I need to keep to the basic fard prayers. Insha'Allah, once I get back to school I'll start implementing those into my schedule, especially the sunnah prayers for fajr and maghrib (the ones that the Prophet (saw) never missed).

Insha'Allah, I hope everyone is having a fabulous, blessed, meaningful Ramadhan. And thank you all so very much for keeping me in your prayers; I truly appreciate it, and I pray that ALLAH will reward you for it with something even better.

Ramadhan Mubarak!

Love,
Anne

RAMADHAN MUBARAK!!!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!

Tonight is the first night of the Blessed Month of Ramadhan. Subhanallah, it seems like Ramadhan came so quickly, and before we know it it will be over. Insha'Allah, we will all take advantage of this beautiful month and all of the baraka in it.

To be honest, I am terrified of what this month is going to bring. My parents found out that I am Muslim (in a humiliating way, nonetheless), and needless to say, they are absolutely livid. They, especially my mom, are furious that I hid it from them and broke my promise that I wouldn't convert until after I graduated from college. They don't really trust me anymore, and understandably so. I was heartbroken the day they found out; heartbroken that they were so angry, and heartbroken that I had lied to them for so long.

Since the cat is out of the bag, I decided to tell my mom that I am going to fast during Ramadhan. She said I am absolutely forbidden to fast; if I don't eat, she'll know why. I honestly don't know what to do. I mean, I'll fast to the best of my ability, but I might be forced to break it on some days. I feel extremely guilty about the prospect of doing this, but I feel like I have to if I don't want to destroy the ties between my family. But if I break my fast, I will be disobeying ALLAH. Either way, I feel like I'm going to lose (at least in this life with my family, and in the Hereafter if I disobey ALLAH). I will be at my parents' house until the 25th of Ramadhan, and I am counting the seconds until I can leave.

Alhamdulillah, my sister has been extremely supportive and curious about my faith; may ALLAH reward her for helping me, and may He guide her, Ameen.

Despite these hardships, I try to remember that ALLAH has my back. He knows the trials I am facing, and He will help me through them. Alhamdulillah, with every hardship comes ease, as the Qur'an says, and Insha'Allah my ease will come in 25 days.

Until then, I wish all my readers, from the bottom of my heart, a Ramadhan Mubarak. May ALLAH bless us all during this Beautiful, Sacred Month, and may we all draw closer to Him and strengthen our iman and taqwa, Ameen!

And please make du'a for me so that I may be able to fast to the best of my ability, and that I will not be forced to break it, and if I must that ALLAH forgives me. Jazakallah khair.

Love,
Anne

Ramadhan Goals 2010/1431

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Since it seems like a bunch of other bloggers have started discussing Ramadhan, I figured it was time for me to, as well. Like all other Muslims, I have goals for myself that I would like to accomplish during this Holy, Blessed Month of Ramadhan. This year, I have some added challenges, which could either bring great barakah or great problems.

Ramadhan starts in only 8 days, Insha'Allah. I return to college in 32 days. This means that I will be spending roughly two-thirds of Ramadhan in a place where I am forced to hide my beliefs. This means fasting without anyone finding out that I'm doing so; it also means no tarawih prayers, no fancy iftars, and no spending time with my brothers and sisters in Islam during the best month of the year. I am devastated by this, and quite frankly very fearful of how it will turn out. If my parents discover that I'm fasting, the cat will be out of the bag and hell will break loose; the only way for me to fast at all is to do it in secret. The fact that maghrib isn't until around 8:15 p.m. doesn't help either, as my family usually eats dinner together at 5:30.

I have literally been constructing a plan on what to do about this predicament for months; in March and April I signed up and applied for various summer programs that would keep me away from home during Ramadhan, and I either didn't get into them or had to decline because of financial reasons. Once summer came, I tried getting a full-time job and a job in the evening, but Alhamdulillah, I ended up with a part-time job during the day. Now I am looking for volunteer opportunities to do after work and on days that I'm not working. So far, Alhamdulillah, I have a couple volunteer jobs lined up (which will not only get me out of the house, but I will also consider it an act of sadaqa that I can do Insha'Allah). Also, Alhamdulillah, I found out that my parents and sister will be going out of town for two weekends during Ramadhan, during which I will have the house to myself and therefore the freedom to attend tarawih prayers, go to iftars/make my own, purchase halal meat, wear my khimar and jilbab everywhere, etc. Subhanallah, I am so thankful to ALLAH for giving me these opportunities, and Insha'Allah I will make full use of them.

So, given my situation and need to keep things on the down-low, I figured that this is a perfect opportunity for me to focus on the "upper levels" of fasting. It's relatively well-known that the Ramadhan fast applies to not only abstaining from food, drink, and sex, but also abstaining from lying, gossiping, or any "mean talk" about others. Frivolous activities that distract from dhikr and doing good deeds, such as listening to music, watching TV shows that you've seen a million times, etc. should be avoided. These things are all as important, if not more, than the physical fast, and Alhamdulillah are much less conspicuous. There are so many chances to gain blessings and get closer to ALLAH during Ramadhan, and I don't want to waste them.

So here it is:

1. Complete all my fasts (aside from when I have my period) and not break them unless I am absolutely forced to, like if my parents force me to eat something in front of them. This might not seem like a big deal, but unfortunately this year it is to me.

2. Read the entire English translation of the meaning of the Qur'an, one juz per day. This includes listening to the corresponding ayat in Arabic. On www.quranexplorer.com, you can listen to the Qur'an with an English translation of the meaning next to it, with the English highlighted as the corresponding Arabic is recited. This is one of my main goals; Ramadhan is, after all, the month of the Qur'an, and I wish to celebrate this greatest Gift that ALLAH has given to us.

3. Attend tarawih prayers whenever I can. Insha'Allah I will go when my parents are out of town, and Insha'Allah when I return to school I will go to prayers there.

4. Stay up for extra prayers on all potential dates of Laylat al-Qadr, i.e. the 21st, 23rd, 25th, 27th, and 29th of Ramadhan.

5. Avoid music, except for non-instrumental nasheeds. Alhamdulillah, I have mostly eliminated non-halal music from my life as a means to get closer to ALLAH, but Insha'Allah I would like to be especially aware of this during Ramadhan.

6. Read more books about Islam. I have several books in my lineup, including "The Sealed Nectar" and "Stories of the Prophets".

7. Practice reading Arabic. I am currently reviewing the letters and sounds, so Insha'Allah I will soon try and start reading the Mushaf.

8. Always keep in mind: What Would Muhammad (saw) Do? Back in the 90s, there was a movement among many Christian youth called "What Would Jesus (as) Do?", which encouraged people to consider how Jesus (as) would act in certain situations (handy bracelets with WWJD? on them served as a reminder). Alhamdulillah, this can easily be applied to Prophet Muhammad (saw) as well. He has left us a complete sunnah for us to follow, and as ALLAH has said in the Qur'an, "Verily in the Messenger of ALLAH you have a good example for whoever hopes for ALLAH and the Last Day, and remembers ALLAH much." (33:21)

Insha'ALLAH, may ALLAH help me complete all these goals and more, and Insha'Allah I will draw closer to my Lord and your Lord, the Loving, the Merciful, the Protecting Friend, the One! Ameen!