Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!
Tonight is the first night of the Blessed Month of Ramadhan. Subhanallah, it seems like Ramadhan came so quickly, and before we know it it will be over. Insha'Allah, we will all take advantage of this beautiful month and all of the baraka in it.
To be honest, I am terrified of what this month is going to bring. My parents found out that I am Muslim (in a humiliating way, nonetheless), and needless to say, they are absolutely livid. They, especially my mom, are furious that I hid it from them and broke my promise that I wouldn't convert until after I graduated from college. They don't really trust me anymore, and understandably so. I was heartbroken the day they found out; heartbroken that they were so angry, and heartbroken that I had lied to them for so long.
Since the cat is out of the bag, I decided to tell my mom that I am going to fast during Ramadhan. She said I am absolutely forbidden to fast; if I don't eat, she'll know why. I honestly don't know what to do. I mean, I'll fast to the best of my ability, but I might be forced to break it on some days. I feel extremely guilty about the prospect of doing this, but I feel like I have to if I don't want to destroy the ties between my family. But if I break my fast, I will be disobeying ALLAH. Either way, I feel like I'm going to lose (at least in this life with my family, and in the Hereafter if I disobey ALLAH). I will be at my parents' house until the 25th of Ramadhan, and I am counting the seconds until I can leave.
Alhamdulillah, my sister has been extremely supportive and curious about my faith; may ALLAH reward her for helping me, and may He guide her, Ameen.
Despite these hardships, I try to remember that ALLAH has my back. He knows the trials I am facing, and He will help me through them. Alhamdulillah, with every hardship comes ease, as the Qur'an says, and Insha'Allah my ease will come in 25 days.
Until then, I wish all my readers, from the bottom of my heart, a Ramadhan Mubarak. May ALLAH bless us all during this Beautiful, Sacred Month, and may we all draw closer to Him and strengthen our iman and taqwa, Ameen!
And please make du'a for me so that I may be able to fast to the best of my ability, and that I will not be forced to break it, and if I must that ALLAH forgives me. Jazakallah khair.
Love,
Anne
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18 comments:
dear sister anne... i am really moved by your situation and your love for deen alhumdulillah! anne ure an inspiration for so many of us... and Allahs swt has u among His chosen ones already IA! may Allah swt reward u abundantly for the choice u have made and make salaah siyaam n duaa easy for u, Ameen! may Allah swt accept your salaah siyaam n duaa and help u on the path of righteousness, Ameen!
dear anne, ive copy-pasted this blog in my fb mssgs and sent it to a couple of frnds as a personal mssg(its not on my wall) i hope u wont mind, i just wanted to motivate my fellow muslims using u as an example... i have quite a few revert frnds on fb, IA they will gain srength from ur blog... ru on fb too? xoxo
Asalam alaikum! I"m sorry that your family isn't being supportive of you, but look at it in a positive way. No more hiding! (not much, anyway!) You can wear hijab (inshallah) and read Quran and hang out with other Muslims inshallah. :) And don't forget- you're an adult. Your parents can't force you to eat. THey can't force you to wear something that you dn't wanna wear. They can't force you to do anything. We are supposed to obey our parents UNLESS they want us to do something that goes against Islam.
Salaam dear sis. I am sorry you are in a stressful situation. Subhanallah. However uncomfortable it is now, be grateful to Allah that He has opened this door for you.
I guess I was a little surprised to read that they forbid you to convert before you graduated. That means they knew you were interested. A good point to remember is that they obviously went against their religions by marrying someone of a different faith. One is Christian, one is Jewish, yes? So I would think that should help them to come to terms with this.
As painful or difficult as this is, the other sister is right. We are only to obey our parents UNLESS they tell us to go against Islam. Maybe this is Allah's way of giving you that gentle push into practicing fully? Wa Allahu alim.
I will make dua for you sister, that you are able to use this Ramadan to its full advantage and that your family insha'allah learns to love and support you the way you are. As a MUSLIMAH alhamdulillha!!!
Salam! Allahu Akbar sis, I know it is hard now but it will get better with time. Either they'll get better or you will find easier ways of dealing with it. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) doesn't give us more than we can handle, He (swt) knows that you are more than capable of handling this inshaAllah.
InshaAllah you will have a blessed and rewarding month of Ramadhan!
Salam aleikum,
I'm sorry to hear about your hard situation and pray that Allah will make it easier for you. It may look bad now but you can also think that you don't have to hide it anymore. It can be very hard to live "double life" as well, I know that by experience. May Allah bless you and give you strength.
Alslam Alikom,
Dear Sis. Anne,
First of all, Alhamdullah for all matters.
May be I am not the right person who can offer an advise. However, calamities and disasters are a test, and they are a sign of Allaah’s love for a person.
I remembered the following hadeath while I was reading you post
"Al-Tirmidhi (2398) narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people are most sorely tested?” He said: “The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his religious commitment is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his religious commitment. Calamity will keep befalling a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him.” Classed assaheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 143."
May Allah strength our Iman,
Walid
*Hugs* Praying for you dear. Such a hard situation. And remember, God knows all our intentions. He will know that if you do not fast it is not because you do not want to but because you are being threatened.
Ramadan Mubarak to you :)
Assalamu alaikum sister, Ramdan Kareem
I have posted the following in some other blogs as well.
I think , you know and read about this great converted woman scholar of USA, if not……/- hope the following story would help you stay calm in your present day situation and may Allah reward you for your sacrifice and faith in him..
Aminah assilmi was a renowned female scholar of Islam she traveled around the United States to give lectures , her personal story has admired hundreds of individuals ,she was also President of International Union of Muslim Women , the organization that has many achievements under its belt.
It all started with a computer glitch.
She was a Southern Baptist girl, a radical feminist, and a broadcast journalist. She was a girl with an unusual caliber, who excelled in school, received scholarships, ran her own
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………: “I decided to read their own book to show to them that Islam was a false religion and Mohammed was a false Prophet”.
At her request, one student gave her a copy of the Qur’an and another book on Islam. With these two books she started on her research, which she was to continue for the next one and half years. She read the Qur’an fully and another fifteen books on Islam. Then she came back to the Qur’an and re-read it. During her research, she started taking notes that she found objectionable and which she would be able to use to prove that Islam was a false religion.
Unconsciously, however, she was changing from within which did not escape the attention of her husband. “I was changing, just in little ways but enough to bother him. We used to go to the bar every Friday and Saturday, or to a party, and I no longer wanted to go. I was quieter and more distant.” She stopped drinking and eating pork. Her husband suspected her of having an affair with another man, for “it was only for a man that a woman changes”. Ultimately, she was asked to leave, and she soon found herself living in a separate apartment ………………………………………………………………………………………………….
………………………………………………………
Conversion to Islam, or to any other religion for that matter, is not always a simple thing to do. Except for a few fortunate ones, a new Muslim usually face consequences. The convert may face isolation from family and friends, if not pressure to go back to the family faith. Sometimes, a convert may even face sever economic hardship, as in the case of those who are asked to leave the house because of converting to Islam. Some converts are fortunate to continue to be well respected by family and friends, but most of them face minor to severe hardship especially during the first few years after the conversion.
But the difficulty that Aminah Assilimi had to go through and the sacrifice that she had to make for the sake of her conviction and faith is almost unheard of. There are few who could rely so much on Allah as she did, standing firm and meeting the challenges, making sacrifices, and yet maintaining a positive posture and influencing people around with the beauty of what she found and believed in.
She lost most of her friends, for she was “no fun anymore”. Her mother did not accept her becoming a Muslim and hoped that it was a temporary zeal and that she would soon grow out of it. Her “mental health expert” sister thought that she lost her mind. She attempted to put her in a mental health institution.
Her father was a calm and wise man. People would come to him for advice and he could comfort anyone in distress. But when he heard that his daughter became a Muslim, he loaded his double-barrel shotgun and started on his way to kill her. “It is better that she be dead rather than suffering in the deepest of Hell”, he said.
She was now without friends and without family.
She soon started wearing hijab. The day ……………
To know her fascinating full story go to : http://www.famousmuslims.com/Aminah%20Assilmi.htm
Assalamu alaikum sister, Ramdan Kareem
I have posted the following in some other blogs as well.
I think , you know and read about this great converted woman scholar of USA, if not……/- hope the following story would help you stay calm in your present day situation and may Allah reward you for your sacrifice and faith in him..
Aminah assilmi was a renowned female scholar of Islam she traveled around the United States to give lectures , her personal story has admired hundreds of individuals ,she was also President of International Union of Muslim Women , the organization that has many achievements under its belt.
It all started with a computer glitch.
She was a Southern Baptist girl, a radical feminist, and a broadcast journalist. She was a girl with an unusual caliber, who excelled in school, received scholarships, ran her own
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………: “I decided to read their own book to show to them that Islam was a false religion and Mohammed was a false Prophet”.
At her request, one student gave her a copy of the Qur’an and another book on Islam. With these two books she started on her research, which she was to continue for the next one and half years. She read the Qur’an fully and another fifteen books on Islam. Then she came back to the Qur’an and re-read it. During her research, she started taking notes that she found objectionable and which she would be able to use to prove that Islam was a false religion.
Unconsciously, however, she was changing from within which did not escape the attention of her husband. “I was changing, just in little ways but enough to bother him. We used to go to the bar every Friday and Saturday, or to a party, and I no longer wanted to go. I was quieter and more distant.” She stopped drinking and eating pork. Her husband suspected her of having an affair with another man, for “it was only for a man that a woman changes”. Ultimately, she was asked to leave, and she soon found herself living in a separate apartment ………………………………………………………………………………………………….
………………………………………………………
Conversion to Islam, or to any other religion for that matter, is not always a simple thing to do. Except for a few fortunate ones, a new Muslim usually face consequences. The convert may face isolation from family and friends, if not pressure to go back to the family faith. Sometimes, a convert may even face sever economic hardship, as in the case of those who are asked to leave the house because of converting to Islam. Some converts are fortunate to continue to be well respected by family and friends, but most of them face minor to severe hardship especially during the first few years after the conversion.
But the difficulty that Aminah Assilimi had to go through and the sacrifice that she had to make for the sake of her conviction and faith is almost unheard of. There are few who could rely so much on Allah as she did, standing firm and meeting the challenges, making sacrifices, and yet maintaining a positive posture and influencing people around with the beauty of what she found and believed in.
She lost most of her friends, for she was “no fun anymore”. Her mother did not accept her becoming a Muslim and hoped that it was a temporary zeal and that she would soon grow out of it. Her “mental health expert” sister thought that she lost her mind. She attempted to put her in a mental health institution.
Her father was a calm and wise man. People would come to him for advice and he could comfort anyone in distress. But when he heard that his daughter became a Muslim, he loaded his double-barrel shotgun and started on his way to kill her. “It is better that she be dead rather than suffering in the deepest of Hell”, he said.
She was now without friends and without family.
She soon started wearing hijab. The day ……………
To know her fascinating full story go to : http://www.famousmuslims.com/Aminah%20Assilmi.htm
Alhamdulilah for your sister.
And inshaAllah you will get through this difficult time in your life. Inshallah!
No one has the right to forbid you to practice your religion. They cannot even forbid you to convert. After all, if you believe, you have converted whether anyone likes it or not. And you can't tell someone not to believe.
Honestly, I began this comment assuming that you should try to stay at your parents' place. But even if you succeed in obliging them to live with the fact that you are a Muslim, that you pray, wear hijab and fast, it may well still not make the situation livable.
I really think the most peaceful solution is probably to get your ducks in a row. By this I have in mind arranging where you would go, where you would store your belongings, etc., and packing the most important stuff in advance of telling them, and making sure you maintain access to this bag as well as a phone while telling your parents - thinking about all the details beforehand.
Then give your parents a choice: either they live PEACEFULLY with the fact of your conversion, prayers, hijab and fasting, or you leave - possibly under police supervision to make sure you can take all your belongings with you without interference.
Be aware you may need to use a certain amount of physical force until they arrive, so plan in advance for that. Decide what you are and are not willing to do - because there is a point beyond which use of force would be a moral defeat, so you want to make sure you don't cross the line. And decide what you will do if winning in the material sense becomes impossible without crossing that line.
I am sorry to be so blunt, but it is obvious you do not have time to beat around the bush. You no longer have time for sentiment. You know what is at stake and how quickly you will have to take action.
Salam sister! I am the most upset to hear of this situation. Inshallah, Allah will help you through this time because after all Ramadan IS a month of blessings for the Muslims.
Many comments on this topic are similar to the one I have in mind. As a Muslim you should pay special respect and obey your parents to most you can even if they aren't Muslims but at the same time if they forbid you to do something obligatory (fasting for instance) then you can disobey them without earning sin. You are an adult and I don't even think anyone can force a small child to eat something he doesnt want to, so all you have to do is struggle a little and I'm sure you could fast in Ramadan.
Just don't use to term 'fasting' to your parents... just put it off or something like that!
Try to talk to some wise Muslim scholar or anyone who could probably advise you to act in the best way at this time. May your Ramadan be full of blessings. :)
Read these tips for Ramadan, will prove to be beneficial, I hope.
http://annoor.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/10-tips-for-ramadhan/
May Allah make it easy for you InshaAllah. You'll def be my duaa.
@Thanaya: Jazakallah khair for the kind words and du'a. I really don't feel like an inspiration; the way I see it, if you love something (in this case, Islam), you're willing to make sacrifices for it.
@American Niqabi: Unfortunately, I'm basically in the same position I was before in that I do have to hide everything (my mom has forbidden me from practicing Islam in her house). Insha'Allah, once I return to school I will be totally free to practice Islam openly.
@Umm Aaminah: Yup, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. I don't really want to bring up their interfaith marriage, because I feel like that won't be a good argument with them. Even though my parents don't like it, I'm not going to forsake my beliefs just to make them happy, Insha'Allah.
@Ellen: Jazakallah khair for your kind words, and for reminding me of that beautiful Qur'an verse.
@Nadia: Jazakallah khair for your du'a. Oy, leading a double life is a real pain in the neck.
@Walid: Wa alaikum assalaam. That was a beautiful hadith, Subhanallah; Jazakallah khair for sharing it. I try to keep reminding myself that, that ALLAH has me in this situation for a reason that will ultimately bring about good.
@LK: Thanks for the du'a.*hugs back* And Ramadhan Mubarak to you too. :)
@Anonymous: I have heard the story of Aminah Assilmi; Masha'Allah, she was a true asset to the American Muslim community, and Insha'Allah ALLAH will grant her Jannah al-Firdous.
@Constructive Attitude: Yeah, my sister is great, Alhamdulillah. :)
@Caraboska: I have thought about what you've suggested before, and I feel like in this situation it is best to just follow their wishes and not rock the boat. If I was living with them permanently, I might do this, but since I attend university out of town and don't live with them most of the year, I can tolerate living with them temporarily. Thank you very much for the good suggestions, though.
@Amna H: Jazakallah khair for the advice; I am trying my best to obey my parents in all halal things, but not at the expense of my religion.
@Haute Muslimah: Jazakallah khair for your du'a. :)
And Ramadhan Mubarak to all!
Aw Ramadan mubarak!
I don't know if you've stated it before or if i've already asked but how old are you!? I think you are an adult so you can do what you want? InshaAllah, they'll come around and learn to accept and thanks to God you have at least one supporting member, your sister.
I suppose it isn't too hard, if you are living away from them most of the time, but it's a more pressing issue now because it's Ramadan. InshaAllah He guides you to the right course of action.
Salam.
salaams sister, i hope ramdaan is going smoothly for you IA! r things any better? may Allah swt help u through these tough times! Ameen...
lov
Banana Anne, A bit worried that you haven't updated us. I suppose it's understandable under the circumstances, but I do think about you every day...
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