Hard Times

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

My semester finished yesterday Alhamdulillah, and for a while I am FREEEEE to just chill out, watch bad television, do stupid stuff with my friend Tiffanie, and have access to a car. :)

It's been a while since I've posted, and it's been for a couple reasons. First, this semester has been really busy, and unfortunately after finishing my work I decided I'd rather watch "Top Chef" than write a thoughtful blog post.

Secondly, and more seriously, I've been going through some rough personal times. As I've mentioned before, I have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression. OCD manifests itself in a lot of different ways, but most people get insinuating, extremely disturbing "bad thoughts" in their minds and feel like the only way they can get rid of them, or prevent something "bad" from happening, is by doing a compulsive behavior. For example, a person might get it in their mind that someone in their family is going to die, and the only way they can prevent this is by washing their hands so many number of times per hour; if they don't carry out this ritual exactly "right", then they have to repeat it or else they feel like they will be responsible for their relative's death. I have had several "types" of OCD, but my main one is called scrupulosity, where the obsessive thoughts and compulsions are related to religion. In the past, I used to be terrified that there would be a plane crash (this was after 9/11), so I felt the need to stop and say a specific prayer every time I heard a plane overhead (and we live right near an airport, so it happened often). I also used to have sexual-related thoughts about religious figures. Alhamdulillah, even though OCD can't be cured, it can be treated with medication and therapy, which is what I've been doing for the past few years.

For years now, I've been doing so much better Alhamdulillah. The medicine was really working, and almost all of my symptoms were gone. I was feeling so good that I decided that maybe I had "grown out" of my OCD and therefore didn't need to take my meds anymore. I went for a few months without taking them, and then suddenly, a few days before Eid al-Adha, OCD came back and knocked me over.

It started out with me having questions about the position of slavery in Islam. I was really upset that it is technically allowed in the Qur'an, despite having limits on it and the fact that it has for the most part died out among Muslims. I read so many different articles about it to try and calm me down, but little helped. This stretched until the day of Eid, and I was really upset that these feelings were ruining the holiday. In the middle of the day, they suddenly went away. I was very happy and ready to enjoy my Eid plans. Later that day, though, right before the big Eid dinner at my school, a humongous wave of doubt flooded me, doubts about ALLAH and whether or not He is real (Astaghfirullah). Seriously, they came out of nowhere. I tried and tried to convince myself that this was nonsense, that I really am a believer, but I just couldn't shake off the doubts. These overwhelming doubts literally consumed me for days on end, to the point where I could barely eat and sleep because I was so upset. These thoughts terrified me; how could I go from being a good Muslim one day to having such thoughts of kufr the next? Alhamdulillah, I didn't give up any of my Islamic duties (prayer, wearing hijab, etc.), but I was getting no benefit from them. The hopelessness and despair I felt were truly dreadful, something I would never, ever wish on anyone. It was so bad that I wished that I would die rather than to have to suffer through this (NOTE: I am NOT suicidal and never have been, and will never consider it. It is prohibited in Islam, and I feel like it doesn't solve any problems and just causes more grief for your loved ones.)

I knew that this was most likely due to my OCD and the fact that I hadn't taken my medication in months (stupid, stupid, stupid). I immediately started taking my meds again and haven't missed a day since. Unfortunately, this medication takes at least three weeks, if not more, before it kicks in, so I had to deal with these awful thoughts for a while. Alhamdulillah, I have gotten much better; I think the medicine is really working. The evil thoughts haven't totally gone away, but they are less frequent, and I am able to distract myself/ignore them better when they do occur.

The thing that was most terrifying was that I thought I was losing my faith. I thought that I would come to the realization that I didn't want to be Muslim anymore and would abandon my life for a new, non-religious one. But despite having these pervasive thoughts, I didn't WANT to be a kafir (not a non-Muslim, but an actual kafir, one who knows the Truth and willingly rejects it). I wanted, and still want, to be a Muslim. I had absolutely no intention of or desire to leave Islam, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't and don't want these terrible doubts, and I would do anything to ensure that I remain faithful forever. I decided that maybe I needed to take another approach to my faith.

There was an article posted on Seeker's Guidance about the need for balancing one's head and heart in Islam. One cannot be a blind follower/only follow their heart, but one also mustn't only rely on what seems logical (following their brains). There are so many things we can't sense because our bodies are limited, and just because we can't sense things doesn't mean they're not there. This is where the heart comes in. I'm not explaining it very well, but the article is lovely and definitely worth reading.

I think it's definitely hard to be a believer, any kind of believer, in this day and age where people demand physical proof of everything. If one can't provide it, it's rejected as being "fake" or "stupid". I never used to fall into this trap, but after my OCD relapse I have unfortunately started thinking like this. In my case, I think it's a combination of waswasa (whispers from Shaytan who is trying to get me to lose faith) and OCD and depression, which are legitimate medical conditions. I think stress adds to it, too; I've been taking final exams the past few days, and the bad thoughts are starting to sprout up again.

Iman is so precious, and so fragile. You may feel like the best believer one day, and completely doubtful the next. I never thought that this would happen since I've always had very strong faith, but it has, and I can't deny it. I read (I think in the Seeker's Guidance article) about a saying (maybe a hadith) that says that iman wears out just like clothing does, and one needs to continuously renew it and ask ALLAH to keep them guided. Be grateful that you have this iman, even if it's just a little bit, and don't forget to nourish it and keep it healthy!

Alhamdulillah, I'm still a Muslim. I'm still praying, still fasting, still wearing hijab, still eating halal, still seeking out knowledge. But I am going through a difficult time, just as many people go through waxing and waning in their faith (although mine is compounded by the OCD and depression). Please make du'a for me that all this blows over as soon as possible. It's definitely a jihad that I'm experiencing, and it's a tough battle. Insha'Allah, this will all be behind me soon and I can take joy in my renewed iman, Ameen!

"O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in Your Religion."

EID MUBARAK!!!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

I want to wish everyone an Eid Mubarak! Alhamdulillah for these three days, and Insha'Allah you will all experience happiness and joy from it. :)

ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR,
LA ILAHA ILLA ALLAH!
ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR
WA LILLAHIL HAMD!

ALLAH is the Greatest, ALLAH is the Greatest,
There is no god but ALLAH!
ALLAH is the Greatest, ALLAH is the Greatest,
And all Praise belongs to ALLAH!

Missing in Action: Sorry everyone!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

I apologize for not writing in a while AND going and changing the name and URL on you all; Alhamdulillah I'm doing fine, I don't want you to think I went through some crisis that caused me to drop off the face of the blogging world!

I don't know if any of you have heard of Seekers' Guidance (seekersguidance.org). If you haven't I strongly recommend checking it out; it's a great resource for learning about Sunni Islam. I really like it because you are able to send in questions and have them answered by sheikhs and teachers (the answers are posted on the website for everyone to read and benefit from). Masha'Allah, the answers are always very well-written and thought out with plenty of details and reasons why they answered the way they did; the writing style is also very accessible and not nearly as harsh or condemning as some other fatwa websites. I also love the fact that they have a variety of learned people answering the questions to provide a balance, including female teachers. :)

A while back, I was having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the concept of abrogation in the Qur'an. My understanding of abrogation was that it rendered everything that came before it null and void and must be treated as if it didn't exist. To me, this didn't make sense; after all, I believe that the Qur'an is the perfect Word of ALLAH, so why would there be rulings in the Qur'an that are completely unnecessary? Even more troubling was the fact that I had read in certain places that with the revelation of the "Verse of the Sword" (9:5), all of the ayat related to peace, tolerance, and justice were no longer applicable. This made me very upset because I always believed that Islam was inherently peaceful. This troubled me so much that I decided to ask the learned people at Seekers' Guidance about it to see if they could clarify it for me.

Alhamdulillah, I just found out that they answered my question and posted it on their website. Much to my excitement/relief, I was happy to discover that the "Verse of the Sword" DOES NOT abrogate the peaceful verses, and that abrogation is not as cut-and-dry a topic as I thought. In reality, abrogation does not necessarily mean a complete overturning of an ayah; instead, it is more of a clarification, which is what I suspected in the first place. I read an example from islamawareness.net that illustrated the point quite well. It said:
"Suppose I say that I do not live in Los Angeles. Later I say that I do not live in California. Finally I say, I do not live in the United States of America. This does not imply that these three statements contradict each other. Each statement gives more information than the previous statement. The third statement includes the information contained in the first two statements. Thus, only by saying that I do not live in the United States of America, it is obvious, that I also do not live in California nor New York."
This point can also be seen in the gradual prohibition of alcohol. The first verse regarding alcohol consumption says that its harm outweighs its benefits. The verse revealed later says that one shouldn't approach the prayer while intoxicated. The final verse about alcohol says that its consumption is prohibited in all situations. The last verse is the one to follow, but it doesn't render the verses that came before it invalid. Alcohol's harms still outweighs its benefits, and one is still not allowed to pray while drunk, but the prohibition has been extended further to forbidding all alcohol. The rulings of the "Verse of the Sword" are allowed in certain cases (it was mentioned in conjunction with the Makkans constantly breaking the peace treaties with Muslims and threatening them), but it definitely doesn't command Muslims to go around killing all non-Muslims, because the rules of peace and tolerance are also still in effect (not to mention the fact that right after the Verse of the Sword it commands Muslims to grant asylum to people from among the people they are fighting if they ask for it).

Subhanallah, this answer really put my mind at ease. Islam really is a great religion that strives for peace and does not in any way condone the ugly, horrible violence some Muslims are committing against others. I realized that whenever I have any questions, doubts, or misgivings about Islam, it pretty much always turns out to be a misunderstanding on my part due to learning inaccurate information or not knowing about differing, legitimate opinions on a topic, and not a fault in the religion itself. Subhanallah, Subhanallah, I am so happy to have Islam as my religion. May ALLAH guide each and every one of us to the Straight Path and keep us on the Straight Path, Ameen!

Here's a link to my question and the answer; Masha'Allah it's a very interesting read: http://seekersguidance.org/ans-blog/2010/11/06/clarifications-concerning-abrogation-in-the-quran-and-the-verse-of-the-sword/

New blog name and url

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Just an FYI, I decided to change the title and url of my blog. I realized that the name I was using, "This is Not Clever", is also one of the email addresses that my parents know of, so they could easily search "this is not clever" on Google and find this blog (and they would definitely realize that this is my blog). There's no real meaning behind the new title ("My Two Cents") or the url (icantthinkofacoolurl.blogspot.com); they're pretty self-explanatory. :)

Anne

I love my masjid

Yesterday my Friday afternoon class was cancelled, so I decided to go spend the rest of the day at my favorite masjid. I am so glad I went, Alhamdulillah, because the khutbah, given by a sheikh from England at jummah, was amazing. It talked about how Islam is not a religion that requires blind faith, but too many Muslims often treat it this way. The sheikh said that too often, Muslims will do certain things or believe certain things because they feel like they "have to" or because they're following what their families taught them; instead, we must question our faith. We must question why we believe what we believe, instead of simply following what other people tell us to do. This is, I believe, an extremely important lesson; Islam is all about ikhlas (sincerity), and doing things or believing things "just because" or "because we have to" is often devoid of actually caring about it. It is obviously important to follow ALLAH's commands, but simply following them without understanding and appreciating the spirit behind them makes them lose their meaning. Unfortunately, I didn't take any notes during the khutbah so I know I'm missing many other good points made, but I thought you all might appreciate this since there has been discussion recently about questioning one's personal faith. I really appreciated that the sheikh said that this is okay to do in Islam; in fact, questioning why we do things can even be beneficial because it forces us to examine our reasons behind things and to purify our intentions. I feel like this khutbah might have caused a stir at some masjids because of its call for people to question things, but Alhamdulillah my masjid is very into emphasizing the spirit behind our duties.

Later in the evening, I was sitting in the cafe across the hall from the prayer space (the masjid is actually a cultural center, consisting of the musallah, a cafe, two stores, a school, and spaces for community activities) talking with friends. On a couple of the tables, I found a small stack of cards placed there. They said:
"ALLAH is One. He has no son. He was not born. He is the Everlasting, Eternal Creator and Sustainer of the universe. His Mercy encompasses all, everywhere and at all times. If you want anything, ask Him only. No one else has the power to help you. No matter how much you might love them or fear them, they cannot help you or hurt you unless ALLAH allows it. ALLAH's Word is the Qur'an, whose message was revealed in stages to all Prophets. This Message has never changed for those who follow the truth the Prophets brought--ALLAH is One. Worship Him only and He will bring you peace when all around you seems wrong. He is still in control. He holds every atom in place, surely He can fix any problem for you, just call Him--start now, see what will happen. He is the All-Hearing, the All-Seeing, the All-Knowing, the All-Mighty ALLAH! ALLAHu Akbar, Alhamdulillah!"

Subhanallah, such a simple message, but it captured the essence of Islam in one short paragraph. I especially loved the sentences about ALLAH bringing us peace "when all around us seems wrong"; indeed, it is often when things are craziest and most chaotic that we realize that ALLAH is As-Salaam, the Source of Peace. I'm sure the cards were meant for non-Muslim visitors to the cafe (the masjid is open to everyone, and non-Muslims often come to eat at the cafe and visit the musallah) as a quick introduction to Islam, but they also served as a great reminder to Muslims. It's things like this--sheikhs that give khutbahs encouraging us to think; cards with reminders of ALLAH's Loving Care; the welcoming, respectful atmosphere towards everyone (Muslims and non-Muslims); women praying in the same room as men and not stuffed into a small, nasty space; women and converts not being treated as second-class citizens--that make me so grateful for my masjid, Alhamdulillah. I don't think I could have picked a better one to attend. Honestly, I would like to get married and raise my family here in Boston primarily so we would have access to this masjid and my kids could grow up in such a great Islamic environment, Insha'Allah.

More blog posts coming soon, Insha'Allah. :)

New (real) post coming up soon, Insha'Allah

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

I'm really sorry that I haven't written anything in a while; since school has started, I haven't really had much time to sit down and write a thoughtful post. I do have ideas, though, and a long weekend is coming up, so Insha'Allah I'll be writing again very soon.

Busy

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Sorry for the lack of posts; it's a combination of not having much to say and being really busy with schoolwork. I really want to do well this semester and not slack off like I did last year, so Insha'Allah I'll be able to keep up with everything. I'll write when I have more time/something actually interesting comes to mind.

Anne

In Memoriam

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

Nine years ago today, three thousand innocent people were brutally murdered by men who I am ashamed to call my brothers in faith. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun to all those who died and suffered, and may ALLAH continue to comfort and guide all the "left-behind" victims who lost family and friends.

September 11, 2001 and the time after it remains so clear in my mind. I must say that linguistically, the terrorists succeeded because I was literally filled with terror and deep, deep sadness. I had never felt anything like it before in my eleven years of life, and I have never felt anything like it since then. I know it's cliche to say, but I honestly feel that my life was not the same after that day. My innocence was shattered, and I was thrust into the "adult" world of fear, uncertainty, and grieving. My knowledge of current events skyrocketed, because I could no longer afford to remain ignorant about the world around me.

And I never, never, never would have imagined that nine years later, the religion that supposedly "justified" these disgusting attacks would be the most important thing in my life. Subhanallah, ALLAH works in mysterious ways.

Ya ALLAH, please bless all the people who were affected by September 11th, please comfort them and ease their pain. Please change and soften the hearts of terrorists who think that killing innocent people is the way to achieve their goals and put peace and mercy in their hearts instead. Please let us all work for worldwide salaam, and please grant us all guidance, Ya Rabb. Ameen.

New sister, Masha'Allah!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Today, September 6, 2010, fellow blogger Jesse from "Yesie or Jesse?" took her shahadah! ALLAHU AKBAR! May ALLAH bless her always and help her to become the best Muslim she can be, and please guide us all and keep us all on the Straight Path, Ameen!

Welcome to the ummah, Jesse! <3

A little fun, and an update

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Firstly, I am going back to Boston tomorrow (Insha'Allah) after 3 VERY long months living at home with my parents. I am absolutely thrilled that this day has finally come. This has been an extremely difficult summer for me, and Insha'Allah once I return to Boston my life will improve greatly. In Islam, the term "hijrah" is used when a person migrates from a place where they are oppressed/not free to practice Islam to a place where they have this freedom. Aside from the actual hijrah where Prophet Muhammad (saw) and his companions (ra) migrated from Makkah to Madinah, this is usually in reference to people moving from secular or non-Muslim majority country to a Muslim-majority country (notice I didn't say "Islamic country", because there are no countries that truly follow Islamic principles and law). However, I truly consider this move back to my college a hijrah; at my parents' house I am simply not free to practice Islam the way I want to, but at school I can live my Islam to the fullest. Hence, I'm not one of those people who thinks that one is only a "muhajir" if they move to a Middle Eastern, African, or Asian country; rather, whoever moves anywhere where they feel safe and free to practice Islam is a muhajir, even if it's within their own country.

Secondly, fellow blogger Caraboska tagged me to fill out this post, so here goes (by the way, I was shocked to see how much Caraboska and I have in common):


Books I've read recently...

1. The Qur'an (English translation of the meaning by Abdullah Yusuf Ali, since I still can't really read or understand Arabic)

2. The Ladies' Auxiliary by Tova Mirvis (a novel about the Orthodox Jewish population in Memphis, Tennessee, and how their tight-knit, set-in-their-ways community is changed when a new convert moves in)

3. Fresh for '01, Ya Suckas! Boondocks Treasury by Aaron McGruder

4. Nine Parts of Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women by Geraldine Brooks (a very interesting read, even though I disagreed with her on a lot of points)

I really don't read that many books per se, but I do devour articles, encyclopedias, non-fiction works, and reference books like it's nobody's business.


Songs or albums I listen to all the time...

1. The Qur'an, usually Mishary-Rashid as the reciter (one of my Ramadhan goals is to listen to the entire Qur'an, and Alhamdulillah I have been keeping up with this goal quite well)

2. The Adhan (I especially love the Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens one)

3. "Qasidah Burdah" (by far my favorite nasheed)

4. "Full of Humility" by Dawud Wharnsby Ali

5. "A Whisper of Peace" by Dawud Wharnsby Ali

6. "Peace Train" by Yusuf Islam/Cat Stevens

7. "GOD of Wonders" (actually a contemporary Christian song, but it could easily be a nasheed)

8. "Sakeena" and "Aisha" by Outlandish


I love...

1. ALLAH

2. all the Prophets (peace be upon them all) and all the Righteous people

3. the Qur'an (a truly amazing Book)

4. my masjid

5. Boston

6. food (best carnal pleasure ever)

7. all types of humor


Things I've learned this year...

1. How to live with Asperger's syndrome (same as Caraboska!)

2. How to live hijab (same as Caraboska again!)

3. It's the effort and intention that truly matters.

4. That in the end, any strength I have comes from ALLAH and His Word (same as Caraboska again!!)

5. My metabolism isn't what it used to be, and I need to be more mindful of what I eat.

6. Chinese Studies isn't really my calling, rather sociology and religion are.

7. I may want to be either a social worker or a Muslim chaplain one day, Insha'Allah.


New recipes I want to try and make...

Homemade ice cream

chapli kebab

actually learn how to use a grill


Favorite online hangouts...

1. Blogs

2. Wikipedia

3. Facebook

4. Islamic clothing sites

5. YouTube

6. Zabihah.com

7. Cracked.com

8. the Top Chef forum at televisionwithoutpity.com


Projects I need to work on...

1. memorize more Qur'an and du'as

2. staying on top of my schoolwork and stop procrastinating

3. excel in all my classes

4. practice reading Arabic

5. start studying Spanish again


Other people I think should do this (people that have already been tagged by Caraboska are not listed on here):

1. NeverEver from "Finding Guidance"

2. Umm Aaminah from "Ummi of Aami, Muslimah Mommy!"

3. Jesse-Lee from "Yesie or Jesse?"

4. Nikki from "Striving to Be the Best Me"

5. Stephanie from "Muslim Mama"

6. Stacy from "Livin in Layla Land"

7. Rukhpar Mor from "Rukhpar Mor"

8. Ellen from "Steadily Emerging with Grace"

9. Candice from "Exploring Life and Islam"

More About Me

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

As I've mentioned on here before, I love taking and reading online surveys and quizzes; they're a great way to get to know people better. I took this one from Umm Aaminah's blog; feel free to copy it on to your blog with your answers Insha'Allah!

Mark things that apply to you with an X.

(X) I am a cuddler.
(X) I am a morning person. (Yes I am, Alhamdulillah, which is really handy for those 8:30 am classes I have. :P )
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
(X) I am currently single. (Yes, but I'm open for looking for the right guy, Insha'Allah.)
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to my myspace. (Change this to Facebook or Blogger and the answer would be yes.)
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
(X) I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first. (More like all the time. Alhamdulillah, I consider this a good thing, but I could at least improve on being less awkward.)
I bite my nails.
(X) I can be paranoid at times.
I don’t like anyone. (LOL)
I enjoy country music.
(X) I enjoy jazz music. (I like it as background music on TV.)
(X) I enjoy smoothies. (Oh yeah, especially mango smoothies. Om nom nom!)
I enjoy talking on the phone. (HATE talking on the phone.)
I have a car. (Nope, Alhamdulillah Boston has great public transportation.)
(X) I have a cell phone. (Who doesn't?)
(X) I have/had a hard time paying attention at school. (Story of my life.)
I have a hidden talent
(X) I have a lot to learn. (For sure, especially in terms of Islamic knowledge.)
(X) I have a pet. (My family has our sweet standard poodle, Sidney.)
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl
I have all my grandparents
I have at least one brother
(X) I have been to another country. (Canada, Italy, Vatican City, China, Masha'Allah!)
(X) I have been told that I am smart
(X) I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor. (I definitely have a "unique" sense of humor, like a combination of intelligent and 12 year-old boy humor.)
(X) I have OR HAD broken a bone. (I think I broke my toe once.)
(X) I have Caller I.D. on my phone.
(X) I have changed a diaper
(X) I have changed a lot over the past year. (I like to think I have, at least.)
(X) I have done something illegal. (Jaywalked. I know, I'm a regular jailbird.)
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
(X) I have had major/minor surgery. (Very minor, I got cysts removed from my head.)
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
(X) I have mood swings
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
(X) I have rejected someone before. (I've had two complete strangers ask me to marry them; we didn't even know each other's names.)
I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have seen the television show The O.C.
I like Shakespeare.
I like the taste of blood. (*gag*)
(X) I love to cook.
(X) I like to sing. (Alone, in the car or in the shower.)
I love Michael Jackson (I like him, I guess.)
(X) I love sleeping. (I LOVE IT.)
(X) I love to play computer games. (The Sims FTW!)
(X) I love to shop.
(X) I miss someone right now. (So many people.)
I own 100 CDs or more
(X) I own and use a library card
(X) I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
(X) I sleep a lot during the day. (Sometimes)
(X) I strongly dislike math (It is by far my worst subject.)
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I will try almost anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto. (I definitely do ghetto stuff sometimes.)
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
(X) I have had/have a broken heart (I think when I was in like seventh grade.)
Smoked cigarettes. (No, but I've been tempted to.)
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
(X) Collected something really stupid. (Coca-Cola memorabilia)
(X) Gone to a rock concert. (James Taylor is more "soft rock")
(X) Helped someone.
(X) Gone fishing. (Don't do it anymore, I can't bear to watch the fish die. I know, I'm a hypocrite because I love eating fish.)
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
(X) Lied to someone. (It kind of defines the relationship I have with my parents, Astaghfirullah.)
Been dumped.
Failed a class. (No, but I've gotten pretty close.)
(X) Taken a college level course. (I'm a college student.)
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
(X) Been to a funeral.
(X) Burned yourself. (accidentally)
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
(X) Cried yourself to sleep.
(X) Spent over $200 in one day.
(X) Flown on a plane..
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
(X) Gone skiing.
(X) Been sailing.
(X) Cut yourself. (Accidentally)
(X) Had a best friend. (Still have them, Alhamdulillah)
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
(X) Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
(X) Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. (The first one.)
(X) Had an online diary. (I consider this blog to be one.)
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
(X) Had a yard sale.
(X) Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for Pop Idol.
(X) Written poetry.
(X) Read more than 20 books a year.
(X) Gone to Europe.
(X) Loved someone you couldn’t have.
(X) Had surgery. (minor)
(X) Had stitches.
(X) Taken a taxi.
(X) Seen the Washington Monument. (In the car.)
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
(X) Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
(X) Had something pierced. (ears)
(X) Got straight A’s.
(X) Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
(X) Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

Names!!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

I am an absolute sucker for names. I love reading about them, knowing the meanings, etc.; even when I was a little kid I fantasized about what I would name my future children. My mom had this book called "Our Secret Names", which had sociological analyses of different names, the history of names, and the significance of certain names. I read this book so many times that even today I can quote passages and the meanings of names from it.

I never really liked the name "Anne" much. I always found it to be very plain and boring. There were no famous people (famous in my children's world, that is) that shared my name, none of my peers were called "Anne", and it didn't sound pretty. I disliked my name so much that when I was about four, I insisted that everyone call me "Tanya". Tanya was a character in one of my favorite movies ("An American Tail"), and I thought it was gorgeous and elegant. We even have on home video people visiting our house and one of the guests calling me Tanya (probably after me reminding them a million times). When I was older I occasionally tried to tell people that Anne was short for "Anastasia", a name that I adore, but I always came clean and disappointingly told them my real name.

For the longest time my nickname was "Annie", which is what my family and close friends call me. In fifth grade I requested that people call me Anne instead of Annie, because the newly-pubescent me thought that "Annie" sounded too immature and silly (even today it's still like that; I hate it when people I don't know well call me Annie, and likewise I think it's weird when people I've known for a long time call me Anne).

As I've gotten older, I've come to like my name more. It's simple, plain, unassuming, and classic, which I think fits my personality quite well. It's easy to pronounce, no matter what language you speak. It has a good meaning too; it's a diminuitive of the name "Chana", which means "grace" in Hebrew.

After becoming a Muslim, I've had people ask me what my "Islamic" name is. I have decided not to change my name; it's the name my parents gave me, and it has a good meaning, so I have no desire or need to change it. If I did decide to add a name, it would be an "Amat" name, i.e. "Amatul + one of the 99 Names of ALLAH", since what could be a better name than expressing one's struggle to be a slave of ALLAH? For the record, I love the 99 Names of ALLAH. Subhanallah, they are all so beautiful, and I love the concept of calling on ALLAH by His Perfect Characteristics.

Of course, I've thought about the names I want to give to my children (with my husband's input, obviously). I personally don't think that Arabic names are automatically the best names. Of course, the "Abd" and "Amat" names, the names of the Prophets (peace be upon them) and the Righteous People (may ALLAH be pleased with them), and Islamic concept names (e.g. "Sakeenah", "Zahed", etc.) are the best names and are going to be in Arabic. However, I probably wouldn't pick out a name just because it's Arabic (e.g. Yasmeen, Asad) yet doesn't have any connection to Islam. For example, I like the names Saosan (Arabic: "lily of the valley") and Ellen (Greek: "bright one"), both names with secular meanings. I wouldn't automatically pick Saosan because it's an Arabic name while Ellen isn't. Whatever my childrens' first names are, I would definitely like to give them an "Abd" or "Amat" name as a middle name, Insha'Allah.

Here is a list of the names I really like, along with their meanings/history.

BOYS: MUHAMMAD: our Beloved Prophet (saw)
ADAM: the first man and first Prophet (as)
IBRAHIM: a great Prophet and Friend of ALLAH (as)
TARIQ: night-star, knocker (the meaning of this word is one of the things that drew me to accept Islam; see http://miraclesofthequran.com/scientific_38.html; if you listen to what a pulsar sounds like (http://www.jb.man.ac.uk/~pulsar/Education/Sounds/B0329.au) it sounds just like a rhythmic knocking, Subhanallah.)
ZAHID: one who renounces the world and is fully devoted to ALLAH
DANIEL: Hebrew- ALLAH is my Judge; Daniel is mentioned in a few hadiths, and the Hebrew meaning is beautiful Masha'Allah
BILAL: one of the Companions of Prophet Muhammad (saw), the first muaddhin (caller of the adhan)

GIRLS: SARAH: princess, wife of Ibrahim (as), also a name in my family
MARYAM: mother of Prophet Isa (as), the most noble woman to have ever lived (ra)
SAKEENAH: the peace of mind and tranquillity sent down by ALLAH
KHADIJAH: first wife of Prophet Muhammad (saw), first woman (some say first person) to convert to Islam (ra)
BILQIS: Queen of Sheba, corresponds with Prophet Sulayman (as), and ultimately submits to ALLAH
NUSAYBAH: a famous warrior who fought right alongside Muhammad (saw) and protected him from attacks, suffering injuries in the process; she fought in several more key battles and held a status of high respect throughout the Muslim world later in her life
WASILA: a term used in the Qur'an meaning "drawing close to ALLAH"
ELLEN: Greek- bright one

For their middle names (these could be "Abd" for boys or "Amat" for girls, but I'll just use the "Abd" forms in this list):

Abdul-Wadud: Servant of The Loving
Abdul-Waliyy: Servant of The Protecting Friend
Abdur-Rahman: Servant of The Compassionate
Abdus-Salaam: Servant of The Source of Peace
Abdur-Razzaaq: Servant of The Sustainer
Abdur-Ra'uf: Servant of The Kind
Abdul-Ghafur: Servant of The Forgiver and Hider of Faults
Abdul-Kabeer: Servant of The Greatest


Do you have any names that you really like? Any times in your life when you wanted to change your name? Any funny name stories?

Update

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone, and Ramadhan Mubarak!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while; honestly I've just been busy. The lovely Caraboska mentioned that she was concerned that I haven't posted recently especially given my situation, so I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm fine Alhamdulillah (and thanks so much for the sweet sentiment Caraboska! <3 ).

So the first week of Ramadhan is over, and I am very happy to announce that I have successfully completed all the fasts. ALLAHu Akbar! This is a really big deal for me, since my mom said that I was absolutely forbidden to fast and presumably would be watching me to make sure that I eat. Alhamdulillah, I've been keeping very busy for the past eight days with work and volunteering, so I've been able to skip lunch and dinner times at home. I'm kind of worried about tomorrow since my mom said that she wants us all to eat dinner together, but Insha'Allah I'll think of a way to get out of it. This weekend my parents and sister are going out of town on vacation Insha'Allah, so I will have the house to myself again. My period is due really soon too Insha'Allah, which is one week where I don't have to worry about hiding, so I only really have one week left of keeping on the down low before I go back to school.

As far as my Ramadhan goals, I've been moderately successful with them Alhamdulillah. I've managed to keep all the fasts, and I've been volunteering a lot with the intention of it counting as sadaqah. I have been avoiding music, instead listening to nasheeds and the Qur'an. I'm a bit behind on my Qur'an reading, but Insha'Allah I'll catch up with it tonight. I've been very careful with my "fast of the tongue", i.e. trying to avoid gossiping or talking bad about others, and I've been mindful of not losing my temper. One thing that I really want to work on is praying sunnah prayers. I haven't been praying them at my parents' house, partly because I don't have much time to myself to pray before someone walks in on me, so I need to keep to the basic fard prayers. Insha'Allah, once I get back to school I'll start implementing those into my schedule, especially the sunnah prayers for fajr and maghrib (the ones that the Prophet (saw) never missed).

Insha'Allah, I hope everyone is having a fabulous, blessed, meaningful Ramadhan. And thank you all so very much for keeping me in your prayers; I truly appreciate it, and I pray that ALLAH will reward you for it with something even better.

Ramadhan Mubarak!

Love,
Anne

RAMADHAN MUBARAK!!!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!

Tonight is the first night of the Blessed Month of Ramadhan. Subhanallah, it seems like Ramadhan came so quickly, and before we know it it will be over. Insha'Allah, we will all take advantage of this beautiful month and all of the baraka in it.

To be honest, I am terrified of what this month is going to bring. My parents found out that I am Muslim (in a humiliating way, nonetheless), and needless to say, they are absolutely livid. They, especially my mom, are furious that I hid it from them and broke my promise that I wouldn't convert until after I graduated from college. They don't really trust me anymore, and understandably so. I was heartbroken the day they found out; heartbroken that they were so angry, and heartbroken that I had lied to them for so long.

Since the cat is out of the bag, I decided to tell my mom that I am going to fast during Ramadhan. She said I am absolutely forbidden to fast; if I don't eat, she'll know why. I honestly don't know what to do. I mean, I'll fast to the best of my ability, but I might be forced to break it on some days. I feel extremely guilty about the prospect of doing this, but I feel like I have to if I don't want to destroy the ties between my family. But if I break my fast, I will be disobeying ALLAH. Either way, I feel like I'm going to lose (at least in this life with my family, and in the Hereafter if I disobey ALLAH). I will be at my parents' house until the 25th of Ramadhan, and I am counting the seconds until I can leave.

Alhamdulillah, my sister has been extremely supportive and curious about my faith; may ALLAH reward her for helping me, and may He guide her, Ameen.

Despite these hardships, I try to remember that ALLAH has my back. He knows the trials I am facing, and He will help me through them. Alhamdulillah, with every hardship comes ease, as the Qur'an says, and Insha'Allah my ease will come in 25 days.

Until then, I wish all my readers, from the bottom of my heart, a Ramadhan Mubarak. May ALLAH bless us all during this Beautiful, Sacred Month, and may we all draw closer to Him and strengthen our iman and taqwa, Ameen!

And please make du'a for me so that I may be able to fast to the best of my ability, and that I will not be forced to break it, and if I must that ALLAH forgives me. Jazakallah khair.

Love,
Anne

Ramadhan Goals 2010/1431

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Since it seems like a bunch of other bloggers have started discussing Ramadhan, I figured it was time for me to, as well. Like all other Muslims, I have goals for myself that I would like to accomplish during this Holy, Blessed Month of Ramadhan. This year, I have some added challenges, which could either bring great barakah or great problems.

Ramadhan starts in only 8 days, Insha'Allah. I return to college in 32 days. This means that I will be spending roughly two-thirds of Ramadhan in a place where I am forced to hide my beliefs. This means fasting without anyone finding out that I'm doing so; it also means no tarawih prayers, no fancy iftars, and no spending time with my brothers and sisters in Islam during the best month of the year. I am devastated by this, and quite frankly very fearful of how it will turn out. If my parents discover that I'm fasting, the cat will be out of the bag and hell will break loose; the only way for me to fast at all is to do it in secret. The fact that maghrib isn't until around 8:15 p.m. doesn't help either, as my family usually eats dinner together at 5:30.

I have literally been constructing a plan on what to do about this predicament for months; in March and April I signed up and applied for various summer programs that would keep me away from home during Ramadhan, and I either didn't get into them or had to decline because of financial reasons. Once summer came, I tried getting a full-time job and a job in the evening, but Alhamdulillah, I ended up with a part-time job during the day. Now I am looking for volunteer opportunities to do after work and on days that I'm not working. So far, Alhamdulillah, I have a couple volunteer jobs lined up (which will not only get me out of the house, but I will also consider it an act of sadaqa that I can do Insha'Allah). Also, Alhamdulillah, I found out that my parents and sister will be going out of town for two weekends during Ramadhan, during which I will have the house to myself and therefore the freedom to attend tarawih prayers, go to iftars/make my own, purchase halal meat, wear my khimar and jilbab everywhere, etc. Subhanallah, I am so thankful to ALLAH for giving me these opportunities, and Insha'Allah I will make full use of them.

So, given my situation and need to keep things on the down-low, I figured that this is a perfect opportunity for me to focus on the "upper levels" of fasting. It's relatively well-known that the Ramadhan fast applies to not only abstaining from food, drink, and sex, but also abstaining from lying, gossiping, or any "mean talk" about others. Frivolous activities that distract from dhikr and doing good deeds, such as listening to music, watching TV shows that you've seen a million times, etc. should be avoided. These things are all as important, if not more, than the physical fast, and Alhamdulillah are much less conspicuous. There are so many chances to gain blessings and get closer to ALLAH during Ramadhan, and I don't want to waste them.

So here it is:

1. Complete all my fasts (aside from when I have my period) and not break them unless I am absolutely forced to, like if my parents force me to eat something in front of them. This might not seem like a big deal, but unfortunately this year it is to me.

2. Read the entire English translation of the meaning of the Qur'an, one juz per day. This includes listening to the corresponding ayat in Arabic. On www.quranexplorer.com, you can listen to the Qur'an with an English translation of the meaning next to it, with the English highlighted as the corresponding Arabic is recited. This is one of my main goals; Ramadhan is, after all, the month of the Qur'an, and I wish to celebrate this greatest Gift that ALLAH has given to us.

3. Attend tarawih prayers whenever I can. Insha'Allah I will go when my parents are out of town, and Insha'Allah when I return to school I will go to prayers there.

4. Stay up for extra prayers on all potential dates of Laylat al-Qadr, i.e. the 21st, 23rd, 25th, 27th, and 29th of Ramadhan.

5. Avoid music, except for non-instrumental nasheeds. Alhamdulillah, I have mostly eliminated non-halal music from my life as a means to get closer to ALLAH, but Insha'Allah I would like to be especially aware of this during Ramadhan.

6. Read more books about Islam. I have several books in my lineup, including "The Sealed Nectar" and "Stories of the Prophets".

7. Practice reading Arabic. I am currently reviewing the letters and sounds, so Insha'Allah I will soon try and start reading the Mushaf.

8. Always keep in mind: What Would Muhammad (saw) Do? Back in the 90s, there was a movement among many Christian youth called "What Would Jesus (as) Do?", which encouraged people to consider how Jesus (as) would act in certain situations (handy bracelets with WWJD? on them served as a reminder). Alhamdulillah, this can easily be applied to Prophet Muhammad (saw) as well. He has left us a complete sunnah for us to follow, and as ALLAH has said in the Qur'an, "Verily in the Messenger of ALLAH you have a good example for whoever hopes for ALLAH and the Last Day, and remembers ALLAH much." (33:21)

Insha'ALLAH, may ALLAH help me complete all these goals and more, and Insha'Allah I will draw closer to my Lord and your Lord, the Loving, the Merciful, the Protecting Friend, the One! Ameen!

Anne's Excellent Adventure

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Insha'Allah I hope you are all in the best of health and iman!

On Monday, I returned from a lovely weekend in my adopted hometown, Boston. I set out on Thursday and stayed until Monday, and Alhamdulillah I was back in the life I feel most comfortable in, able to practice Islam freely and proudly. I almost didn't get to go, since just a couple days before I came down with a nasty stomach virus, complete with puking and a fever. But, Alhamdulillah, ALLAH knew how much I wanted to go, and granted me a full recovery just in time! I'll break down my time day by day.

THURSDAY: My dad dropped me off at the incredibly sketchy bus station bright and early. As soon as he was out of sight I put my khimar on and waited for the bus while eating one of those frozen ice cream cones from a machine (there was no other food around besides candy :P ). When I arrived in Boston, I decided to take the T right to my favorite masjid (yes, I love it so much I go there to hang out). I prayed dhuhr, had a delicious chicken panini in their cafe, and browsed through their clothing and bookstore. One of the main reasons I had come, though, was to obtain my shahadah certificate. Insha'Allah when I go on hajj I will need proof that I'm actually a Muslim (since I have a "non-Muslim name"), and many masjids have official certificates that they give out proving that one has taken their shahadah. I had actually never said my shahadah officially in front of an imam and witnesses, so by getting this certificate on July 15, 2010, I "officially" converted, Alhamdulillah! (NOTE: One only really needs ALLAH as their witness to become a Muslim, and I have been practicing for almost two years Alhamdulillah, so this was really just a technicality.) I even got a copy of my certificate; Masha'Allah, it's really nice, with a whole line about how I officially accept the shahadah and will live as a Muslim to the best of my ability, signed by an imam and the two other witnesses that were there (Subhanallah, they were coincidentally both affiliated with my college; one is the husband of the Muslim chaplain at my school, and the other is the aunt of one of my classmates).
Afterwards, I left the masjid to meet up with my good friend Saosan, whom I would be staying with for the weekend. Masha'Allah, she's on a flag football team, and I went to a playing field at Harvard to watch one of her games. Subhanallah, it was an absolutely gorgeous day, and I was just as happy as a clam lying out in the sun watching football and drinking a cherry Slurpee. We then returned to Saosan's house, ate dinner (her family is from Bangladesh, and her mother makes awesome food), and chatted through the night.

FRIDAY: Saosan had to go to work for the day, so I took the T into downtown Boston to hang out. On Fridays there is a section of Boston called the Haymarket that holds a lively farmer's market; the produce, meat, cheese, and fish is fresh and super cheap. There are also literally five halal restaurants/markets crammed into a single block there, so I looked through those and grabbed a slice of halal pepperoni pizza from the restaurant (good, but sadly not as good as pork pepperoni). Quincy Market is right nearby, so I walked over there and browsed through the stores in that area. It's really touristy there and everything is overpriced, but it's fun for people-watching and looking at all the merchandise they have. I went into a used bookstore on one of the main streets, and there were a ton of really old books, manuscripts, and pieces of art for sale. I even found a complete hardcover set of Sahih Bukhari for $100! (I was very tempted to buy it, but it was too expensive and I didn't want to lug it around with me all day.)
Around lunch, I went over to the masjid again for jummah prayers. While I was there, I saw the Muslim chaplain from my school and her gorgeous baby son (Masha'Allah, he is seriously one of the most adorable babies I have ever seen!), as well as other people I hadn't seen since school ended. When prayers were done I walked over to the Somali clothes shop down the street and bought a beautiful, plain purple jilbab with a matching thigh-length khimar, as well as a plum purple maghneh. I was super excited to find these things, since maghnehs and long khimars are very hard to find, as are plain, non-black jilbabs.
At around 3:00, I took the commuter rail to the town where Saosan works. I thought that the walk to her office from there would be relatively short, but it turned out to be at least a mile and a half down the road. I was an idiot and was wearing like four layers (a long sleeved shirt, leggings, a maxi dress, a button-up denim jilbab, and an elbow length khimar), so I was sweating like nobody's business on the walk. I was also wearing really bad sandals, so by the time I made it to her office my feet were killing me (and still are, actually). We then went over to one of Saosan's friend's houses for dinner and to get our legs waxed. We watched "Sister Act" and "Encino Man" (which is one of those So Bad It's Good movies). This was one of the highlights of my trip; the food was good, the company was great, and good times were had by all.

SATURDAY: I fasted on Saturday for the last of my make-up days from Ramadhan. Saosan, her mother, and myself were invited to a "dawat", which is basically a huge party where the entire Bengali community meets up for some occasion (this time for a high school graduation party). I borrowed one of Saosan's exquisite shalwar kameez to wear to the party, and felt like a princess in it. There was so much food there with leftovers despite all the people; I was practically shoveling food into me after it was time to break the fast.
Earlier in the day, Saosan and I went to the grocery store (we sure do know how to have fun, lol) to pick up some things for a cupcake recipe Saosan wanted to try. While we were waiting in line, a woman behind us asked if we were "sisters". We said that we weren't related, and she said "No, like SISTERS". I thought she meant that we were nuns, and she said, "Are you Muslims?" We responded yes, and she said that she was born in Iran and started talking to us about her life there. It was really nice talking to her, especially since I love pretty much anything to do with Iran.
After the dawat, Saosan and I went to the masjid for a qiyaam in honor of Shabaan and preparing for Ramadhan. Masha'Allah, a brother gave a really nice lecture on how to prepare ourselves for this upcoming blessed month, and I really liked how he asked the audience for tips on how we prepare. I would have liked to have done more in the way of spiritual activities, like reading the Qur'an together, but by the time we finished with the lecture it was already late and we needed to get up soon for night prayers and fajr. Also, I was reunited with Laila again after two long months!!! I was so happy to see her, but again, there wasn't much time for us to catch up.

SUNDAY: Everyone woke up at around 3:00 for night prayers, du'a, and fajr, after which we promptly fell asleep. In the morning, we all went out to breakfast at this cute little restaurant near Northeastern University (I had crepes with strawberries and Nutella...so, so good). Saosan and I then went back to her house and just hung out for the rest of the day, watching movies and talking.

I was so sad to have to leave; I just feel so comfortable in Boston and able to completely be myself without any guilt or fear. Insha'Allah, there are only 45 days left until I return to school, and Insha'Allah I hope to visit again sometime during Ramadhan.


On another note, could everyone please take a moment and make du'a for fellow blogger Aalia of "Chasing Jannah"? She is going through an incredibly trying time right now, and she really needs your prayers. Ya ALLAH, please bless Your servant Aalia, please comfort her and keep her patient during this time, please reunite her with her son as soon as possible, and please reward her for her steadfastness. O Controller of the hearts, keep our hearts steadfast in Your religion, Ameen!

ALLAHu Musta'an

Earlier today there was a series of terrorist attacks in Kampala, Uganda, where bombs went off in crowds of people watching the last World Cup game. 64 people were killed and over 100 injured. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun. It is suspected that these bombings were carried out by al-Shabaab, a Somali militant group. One of al-Shabaab's leaders didn't outright admit to the attacks, but he said "Uganda is one of our enemies. Whatever makes them cry, makes us happy. May Allah’s anger be upon those who are against us." Al-Shabaab claims to be an Islamic group dedicated to creating an Islamic state and establishing shari'a.

This is a terrible tragedy, violence committed against innocent people simply watching a soccer game. And this quote is so disgusting and so freaking unIslamic I don't even know what to think. May ALLAH bless, comfort, and guide the family members of the casualties, and may ALLAH soften the hearts of people like this man and let them practice the true Islam that would never condone such cruel behavior and outrageous comments, Ameen.

Let there be eternal salaam on Earth one day, Insha'Allah, Ameen!

Habits are Hard to Break

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

I absolutely love "The Boondocks". For those who have never heard of it, it's a show based off of a comic strip by Aaron McGruder about two young black boys, Huey and Riley Freeman, living with their grandfather in a predominantly white suburb. Huey is a genius ten year-old and a staunch supporter of radical black nationalism and socialism. His eight year-old brother Riley, on the other hand, is a wannabe gangster who idolizes rappers and the ghetto culture. The show contains a lot of insight into politics, sociology, and African American culture. Currently, the show is in its third and final season on Adult Swim (the adult version of Cartoon Network). I've always loved the show, but this summer I've grown especially fond of it. I've been watching the old episodes, waiting anxiously for the new ones, reading posts on Boondocks forums, and even reading fanfiction and looking at fan art.

Today, I was thinking about how excited I was for the new episode to come on this evening. Then, all of a sudden, I realized just how much I had become preoccupied with this show. It was taking up a lot of my time during the day, and even at night before going to sleep I would think about it. As Muslims, we are taught that our time on this Earth is very limited and precious, and it is up to us to make the best use of it. There is a hadith where Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "A servant of ALLAH will remain standing on the Day of Resurrection until he is asked about four things: his life and how he spent it, his youth and how he used it up, his property and how he acquired and managed it and his knowledge and how he utilized it.”

There is obviously nothing wrong with having fun and leisure time in Islam, but it is important that the fun is halal (no gambling, drinking, pleasure at the expense of others, etc.) and for a purpose, namely to reenergize ourselves, or to exercise our bodies and minds. There has been some benefits to me watching "The Boondocks", in that it is a source of entertainment for me and has gotten me very interested in studies of African Americans and the African diaspora (I am actually seriously considering doing a minor in Africana Studies because of my exposure to the knowledge and commentary on "The Boondocks"). However, "The Boondocks", despite it being thought-provoking, has its share of not-so-halal things, namely nudity (male and female), A LOT of swearing, and occasional disrespectful things said about ALLAH and Prophet Isa (as), Astaghfirullah. And what I have been doing is definitely not in moderation; rather, it's become an idle pastime with no real benefit.

After realizing this, I decided that I need to make a change. I will continue watching "The Boondocks", but not excessively (like only if there's a new episode or if I really, really want to watch it). I will close my eyes or change the channel during the "nude" parts and the parts about ALLAH and Isa (as). I will not browse the fan art and fan fiction galleries (I find them to be a real time waster). Basically, I can still enjoy it, but I need to make sure that it's done the right way and never in favor of more beneficial, constructive activities. It's going to be hard, and tempting to fall back into what I've been doing, but since I am doing this for the sake of ALLAH, Insha'Allah it will not be too difficult.

Giving up things for the sake of ALLAH is not easy. It's very hard to break old habits, and it may even seem that you're not getting anything out of it but suffering and annoyance. Yet ALLAH is the Most Merciful; when He sees that we're doing something for His sake, even if it's very difficult or unpleasant, Insha'Allah He will be pleased with us and compensate us with something even better than what we're giving up. Alhamdulillah, nothing we do goes unnoticed, and whoever does an atom's weight of good shall see it!

This is a very broad topic that I have a lot more to say about, so Insha'Allah I will write about this again.

Hijab Stories

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

So I was just reading LK's latest blog post (wheelsamsara.blogspot.com) about hijab, and she asked if anyone had any peculiar/funny/interesting stories about wearing hijab. Alhamdulillah, I am very happy to say that I have never had any discriminatory or bigoted attacks against me for wearing hijab (no cries of "Terrorist!" or "Go back to your country!"). I know this does happen to some people, and I was quite honestly expecting it to happen to me. Perhaps I haven't had this because I live in Boston, a very diverse, collegiate city with many young, open-minded people. The college that I go to is also quite open to diversity and everyone gets along well, Alhamdulillah. Nevertheless, I do have a couple stories to tell. :)

One of the biggest things I've noticed is that I have been approached by a lot more beggars since observing hijab. I'm thinking this may be because people see that I'm religious and therefore more likely to "have pity" on them or to give out charity. I know that if I were begging I would be more likely to ask someone who looked religious. I was visiting Rachel at her school a few months ago, and as we were walking to a restaurant a man and woman came up to me. The man said salaam to me and started talking to me about Islam, and then he asked for money so he could buy food. I don't mind helping out people who ask, but I am very wary about just giving people money since I don't know what they'll do with it. I told him that I would go and buy him some food, and he said he wanted to go to a pizza shop down the street. As we were walking, he saw another, more expensive deli and said he wanted to go there, so we went into the deli and ordered his food. At this point I was getting really creeped out and just wanted to leave, but the owner of the deli was being very slow and rude. The man and woman started yelling at him, and I was urging the owner to hurry up and let me pay so we could leave. I threw the money at him (paying more than I wanted to), and dashed out. Later I realized that the guy had ordered a sandwich with bacon on it. :P

When I was in New York City, I had two people come up to me, both professing to be Muslim. One was an older woman who was crying out in pain saying that she needed medicine for her ulcers. Again, I didn't want to just give her money, so I walked to a Walgreens with her and picked out the medicine with her to make sure she was actually getting ulcer medicine. The lady was actually very nice, Masha'Allah, and I think she was genuinely in need of help, so I didn't feel taken advantage of afterward. Later that day, some really creepy guy came up to me (supposedly a Muslim) and asked me to deliver a message to someone at a bar. I said absolutely not, but he kept talking to me for about 20 minutes about I don't even remember what (some of it involved a murder of a kid). I said I couldn't help him except by making du'a, and then practically ran away from him after he was done talking. I think he was mentally ill or some kind of addict, may ALLAH help him, heal him, and grant him peace of mind.

On a Friday afternoon in Boston, I was walking around the area near the masjid after jummah. I had a container of grilled chicken and rice with me, so I sat down at a busy bus stop to eat. An old woman came up to me and said she was starving and if I would give her money; I offered her my food instead, and she ate it. She then started talking to me about her life, including how she could barely pay rent and a discussion on barbecued ribs and sauces. Then she started asking me about Islam and went right into the questions of whether I was married, why men can have multiple wives, and wasn't I burning up in my hijab and jilbab. I answered the best I can, and also told her to stop by the masjid sometime if she wanted to, and also about the cafe in the masjid that makes (delicious) sandwiches, and even if you don't have money you can still get one. I think she might have also been mentally ill or an addict; she seemed to suffer from memory loss (I had to repeat myself numerous times) and had some anger issues (she yelled at people who walked by).

I have had several people inquire as to what my religion is when I wear hijab. I was wearing a thigh-length, navy blue khimar one day and a few people asked if I was a nun; one thought I was Greek Orthodox (never heard that one before). One day at my school I was wearing a long black skirt and a black maghneh (an Iranian style hijab similar to an al-Amira), and as I walked past the Catholic chaplain's office (a lovely woman who is also a nun) she said, "Man, you look like a nun!"

Another day, I was walking in the neighborhood of the masjid, which is pretty run-down and ghetto. On my way to a bookstore, I passed one man, a total stranger, who smiled and said "Assalaamu alaikum sister". That just made me feel really good, knowing that even though we were strangers we were still bound together through our faith. Later, I passed by another man, who actually stopped walking and BOWED to me, and told me never to change. I don't have an explanation for that one.

At the airport on my way to the Virgin Islands with Rachel, I ducked into the bathroom to put on my hijab and jilbab after my parents dropped us off. We then went through security, and, lo and behold, I was "randomly selected" to get extra screening. It was kind of funny, actually; I almost took it as a "rite of passage" into the world of hijabis. :) There are not many Muslims in the Virgin Islands, and I think I only saw one other hijabi the entire time I was there. A lot of the local people stopped to ask me questions about my faith. A taxi driver asked if I was Jewish, and I told him I was Muslim. He then asked if I believed in the Messiah, and I said yes, I believe that Jesus (as) was a prophet and will return to Earth again one day. The Virgin Islands is very strongly Christian, and the main question people asked of me was what I thought about Jesus (as). I think they were glad (and maybe relieved?) to know that I believe in him and that he will come again to the world. On the beach, one woman asked me a lot of questions about Islam, including "So is Islam a good religion?" All I did was smile and say something like, "Yes, I love it."

All in the day in the life of a hijabi. :)

Qur'an=Love

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

Once again, I apologize for my lack of posts. Honestly, I haven't even been that busy; it's more just that I haven't really had anything interesting to say. Alhamdulillah, maybe this is a good thing in that it means that I don't have anything bad happening in my life (Insha'Allah).

So last week after work I decided to go to the lovely, well-stocked downtown library. I was dorking around in there, not really looking for anything in particular. As I always do, I headed over to the religion section and looked to see what books they had on Islam. They actually have a pretty good collection of books, written by both Muslims and non-Muslims, critical and not critical. As I was browsing through the shelves, I noticed a tiny book hidden between two others. I picked it up, and it was entitled "My Mercy Encompasses All", by Reza Shah-Kazemi. The front of the book had an introduction that said that the author had heard of a book that had excerpts from the Bible about love, peace, and mercy, and he was inspired to compile a similar collection using the Qur'an. The book contained many passages from the Qur'an (Pickthall's translation of the meaning), as well as some commentary on the meanings of the verses. Subhanallah, the verses that were in the book really touched my heart, as the words of ALLAH should. I know there are many critics of the Qur'an out there that say that it is filled with nothing but evil, violence, and inequality, but these verses prove them very wrong. Alhamdulillah, it was a great iman booster for me. I wrote down some of the verses that I found especially beautiful. I will post the Pickthall translation of the meaning because that was what was used in the book, and then my thoughts on the verses.

"It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces to the East and the West; but righteous is he who believeth in Allah and the Last Day and the angels and the Scripture and the prophets; and giveth wealth, for love of Him, to kinsfolk and to orphans and the needy and the wayfarer and to those who ask, and to set slaves free; and observeth proper worship and payeth the poor-due. And those who keep their treaty when they make one, and the patient in tribulation and adversity and time of stress. Such are they who are sincere. Such are the Allah-fearing." (2:177)
-Subhanallah, this is such a good reminder to us all. I especially like the first part of the ayat that says that it is not righteousness that we "turn our faces to the east and the west"; i.e. doing all the rituals of Islam. The rituals, such as salat, are no doubt important, but in order to be truly GOD-fearing and righteous, we must also strive to truly live in service to ALLAH by serving others (e.g. giving money to those who need it, keeping treaties, being patient rather than angry and hasty, etc.). On one of LK's recent posts on her new blog (wheelsamsara.blogspot.com), I wrote how important it is for Muslims to always remember the essence of Islam (i.e. the shahadah) in all that we do, rather than only get caught up in rituals and forget exactly why we are doing them (to glorify ALLAH).

"And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright." (2:186)
-When I encountered this verse for the first time, I started tearing up. Subhanallah, ALLAH is always with us no matter what happens, and as long as we follow Him, He will always be there for us. To me, this verse is a beautiful confirmation of ALLAH's Great Love.

"O ye who believe! Be steadfast witnesses for Allah in equity, and let not hatred of any people seduce you that ye deal not justly. Deal justly, that is nearer to your duty. Observe your duty to Allah. Lo! Allah is Informed of what ye do." (5:8)
-Anyone who supports terrorist acts against innocent people, or even prejudice against a certain group of people, must read and reflect on this verse. It clearly says that we must always treat people fairly and with justice, even if we hate the person or people in question. If we ignore this, it does not go unnoticed by ALLAH, and we will be called to account for any unfairness or injustice that we have done. Before you go speak out or make negative generalizations about an entire group of people, keep this verse in mind.

"...Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!" (13:28)
-I can definitely attest to this; I feel the most peace of mind whenever I intimately think about ALLAH, whether through dhikr, reading about His marvelous creations, or even a special, personal du'a.

"Lo! men who surrender unto Allah, and women who surrender, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who obey and women who obey, and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth, and men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember Allah much and women who remember - Allah hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward." (33:35)
-This is one of my all-time favorite ayahs in the Qur'an, because it establishes, without any doubt, that men and women are on equal terms in the religion and neither can claim that they are "better" or "more important to ALLAH" than the other.

"O ye who believe! Remember Allah with much remembrance. And glorify Him early and late. He it is Who blesseth you, and His angels (bless you), that He may bring you forth from darkness unto light; and He is ever Merciful to the believers. Their salutation on the day when they shall meet Him will be: Peace. And He hath prepared for them a goodly recompense." (33:41-44)
-I love this whole section, but I especially like the phrase "that He may bring you forth from darkness unto light"; it's very poetic, and it's true that submitting oneself to ALLAH is like transitioning from darkness (uncertainty, fear, etc.) into light (knowing that ALLAH is Supreme and is the Most Merciful).

"Allah forbiddeth you not those who warred not against you on account of religion and drove you not out from your homes, that ye should show them kindness and deal justly with them. Lo! Allah loveth the just dealers." (60:8)
-Again, another verse that people who are inclined towards violence and intolerance should look at. When we are told to hate for the sake of ALLAH, ALLAH means for us to hate the ideas, not the people. It's like the old Christian expression "love the sinner, hate the sin". We can hate that someone is an alcoholic, and hate alcohol for what it does to people, but that doesn't give us permission to hate alcoholic people. Similarly, we can hate that someone is a disbeliever, and hate the sins that they may commit, but that doesn't mean that we are to hate the people themselves and be unfair and/or unkind to them. As long as others exhibit peace, we are to do the same.

"Hast thou observed him who belieth religion? That is he who repelleth the orphan, And urgeth not the feeding of the needy. Ah, woe unto worshippers Who are heedless of their prayer; Who would be seen (at worship) Yet refuse small kindnesses!" (107:1-7)
-This surah also touches on the importance of essentially "practicing what you preach". ALLAH condemns those who not only don't pray, but also those who only pray just to show off, yet they won't even do little good deeds for others.

Do you have any verses from the Qur'an that shoot down this "bad image" the Qur'an has among some people?

Emotions

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!

It's been a strange, up and down past couple of weeks, Subhanallah. Lots of great things, some sad things, and even more pondering.

First of all, I went on my vacation to the Virgin Islands a few weeks ago. Alhamdulillah, it was AMAZING. I have never in my life seen such clear, blue water and pristine beaches. I had never been to a tropical locale before this, so it was a real treat to see palm trees, exotic flowers, and enjoy warm weather. Rachel and I went snorkeling twice (I highly recommend it, by the way; it's cheap and you need no skills to do it since you swim on the surface the whole time), and the second time we bought some fish food from a vendor on the beach (don't worry, it was legit!) and actually fed the fish while we snorkeled. Subhanallah, these beautiful fish of dazzling colors came and ate right out of our hands! It was truly something to behold. I also got to eat a lot of great food (Caribbean food is delicious, healthy, and very often halal!) and spend time with Rachel before she goes off to study abroad for a year. I'm kind of bummed about this, but Insha'Allah she'll have a great time and I'll talk with her often while she's there.

Right after I got back, my dad had to go away to Iraq for a few weeks (no, he's not in the military Alhamdulillah). Alhamdulillah, he's well protected when he goes, but it's still scary, especially for my mom. My mom is also left with all the housework and responsibilities, so she gets overwhelmed by it. I try to do whatever I can to help her, but it still must be rough for her. Alhamdulillah, he came back today safe and sound, so we're all relieved.

My best friend Laila has a new baby sister Masha'Allah wa tabarak ALLAH!! I love babies so much, and this baby is no exception! I can't wait to see her and hug her and bite her little cheeks Insha'Allah!

On a much sadder note, I found out that the brother of a high school classmate of mine died today after a long battle with cancer. He was only eighteen and about to graduate from high school. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun. Understandably, his whole family is extremely distressed, and I pray that ALLAH watches over them during this time and grants them guidance. It seems so strange to have such sad news amidst all these joyous occasions, but it just goes to show the power of ALLAH. He can give, and He can take away, but no matter what happens it is always according to His Will, and everyone will be given perfect justice in the end. And, of course, after every hardship comes ease.

I've also been thinking a lot about some big things lately, namely marriage and "coming out of the closet" about my conversion. I am feeling more and more pressure, both internal and external, to break the news, because I feel like it's not right to keep hiding it. I am still so fearful of what will happen though, and that is very difficult to get over. And I can't start looking for a husband until I tell them, because I refuse to get married behind my parents' backs (I'm not seeking their approval, but I will not lie to them about my marital status). As for marriage, it seems like more and more people my age are starting to get married, and I feel like I'm ready to start looking. I don't care whether I get married soon (I would prefer to wait until I finish college), and there's nothing wrong with getting married "old", but I am definitely becoming more interested. Right now all I can do is pray and ask ALLAH for a man who will be a great husband, a great father, and an all-around good Muslim gentleman. And start looking around at the masjid for single brothers, of course.

I guess what's been happening recently is all just a part of life and growing up. Subhanallah, people change and things happen as time goes by, but none of it happens without ALLAH knowing about it. I take comfort in the fact that no matter how difficult things may get, or how lonely or depressed I may feel, I will always have ALLAH, al-Wadud (the Loving), looking after me. Ya ALLAH, thank You for always being there for me, and please let me never forget You, Ameen!

Oops, my bad, and a new blog feature!

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

In one of my recent posts (a survey about myself), I answered a question asking what my favorite hadith was, and I said that it was when Prophet Muhammad (saw) cried because he would never know his future ummah. I searched for this hadith, and there are similar ones that talk about the Prophet (saw) crying over the fate of the future Muslims, and calling Muslims "my ummah", but I couldn't find a hadith that matched what I wrote. Astaghfirullah, and I apologize for writing about a (potentially) false hadith.

On a positive note, as I was searching for this hadith, I came across many other very lovely, authentic hadiths that illustrated the beautiful character of the Prophet (saw). Since I found so many, and since one of my goals is to try and learn more about the life of the Prophet (saw) and increase my love for him, Insha'Allah I would like to occasionally post some of the hadiths I especially liked on here. Think of them as "food for thought" and as examples of what we should strive to be like.

To start out: "Anas ibn Malik reports: “God’s messenger was sitting in the mosque with some of his companions when a Bedouin urinated inside the mosque. The Prophet’s companions said: ‘What is going on?’ ‘What are you doing?’ The Prophet said to them: ‘Do not interrupt him.’ He subsequently called the man and said to him: ‘These mosques are not the place where one can throw any dirt, urine or stools. They are meant for reciting the Qur’an, glorifying God and prayer.’ He then called for a bucket of water and he poured it over the urine.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Al-Nassaie, Malik and Ahmad)."

Subhanallah, this is a perfect example of sabr (patience) and GOOD naseeha (advice)! As Muslims, we are encouraged to "enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil", and also to actively try and correct wrongs. However, there are good and not-so-good ways to do this. There are so many complaints of Muslims that are quick to point out other people's mistakes, or who give "naseeha" when in reality they come across as overly critical and maybe even self-righteous. Running over to the Bedouin and yelling at him in front of everyone would have been very embarrassing and harsh, and may have dissuaded the Bedouin from coming to the masjid again (just like today, when people are hesitant to attend the masjid because they are afraid of being criticized by others). Instead, the Prophet (saw) waited until the Bedouin was done, and then told him, without getting angry and without even directly "blaming" or "calling out" the man on his fault, that this was not something that was appropriate to do in a masjid. After that, he himself cleaned up after the man and left it at that. In this hadith, it seems that we are actually given steps on how to properly give naseeha: first, wait for an appropriate time to speak with the person directly about their error (i.e. not in front of other people, and not even necessarily while they're committing the act); next, explain to them the error in their behavior in a non-accusatory manner (i.e. no blaming them or making them feel bad; this is actually a technique used in problem-solving today called using "I" language, where instead of saying something vague and condemning like "you're such a jerk!", you'd say something specific and non-accusatory like "I feel upset when you call me that name"); and finally help them to fix their behavior (or help them repair any damage their behavior may have done, like cleaning up their mess as the Prophet (saw) did).

Insha'Allah, we will all remember this and put the Prophet's (saw) example into practice when we feel compelled to give naseeha!

An Apology

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

I was reading a blog today talking about "closeted Muslims", or Muslims who hide their faith from people for whatever reason. I wrote about how I am one, and someone commented that I am lacking integrity and respect for hiding from my parents, as well as doing the wrong thing by not telling them because I am afraid that they will stop paying for my education. This got me thinking a lot about my situation.

I really do respect my parents. Masha'Allah, they are such good, kind people. I have always been the type who would do anything to please them, and I am crushed when I do something that disappoints them. I know that telling them I am Muslim would be the ultimate disappointment for them, and I don't know how I would be able to handle that shame that I would feel afterwards.

Am I a bad person for hiding from them? Is it bad that I don't want to tell them for such a selfish reason as paying for school? In some ways, I do feel very guilty for hiding from them. So guilty. Islam says that lying is haraam, and aren't I basically living one big lie by doing this?

I realized that in a lot of my posts I talk very negatively about my parents. This is wrong. They are my parents, and they deserve my love and respect. When I think about it, they are so against me becoming Muslim because they are worried about me. With all the negative portrayals of Islam and Muslims these days, they probably feel that they are protecting me from harm by opposing my interest in Islam. They are just doing what they think is best for me, not to be mean or controlling. From now on, Insha'Allah, I will not complain about my parents here or put them in a bad light; it's just not right to do so. Astaghfirullah, may ALLAH forgive me for being unkind, and may He help me always be kind and respectful to them, Ameen.

I have a lot to think about with this. It was hard to read these things, but sometimes the truth hurts. I really need to examine my situation because I just don't feel right leading a double life and lying so much to my parents. If they get angry, they get angry. If they really do decide to stop paying for school, then so be it. I'm sure there are other ways to pay for it. Anyway, ALLAH is the Best of Providers. I need to stop being a chicken and grow up and face my fears. I feel like it's only fair to them and to me.

Please make du'a for me; I'm gonna need it.

Another Survey! (from Candice this time)

Seriously, I love surveys.

1. Name ? Anne

2. How long have you been muslim? I'm honestly not sure; I knew I wanted to convert when I was 15 (five years ago), I started practicing (praying, fasting, etc.) almost two years ago (September 2008), and I officially said the shahadah a year and a half ago (December 31, 2008).

3. What menhaj do you follow? None, but I tend to lean towards Maliki.

4. Do you attend the masjid regularly? I try to go at least once a week, but if I lived closer I'd probably go everyday. I love my masjid so much, Alhamdulillah!

5. Have you ever made a pilgrimage (Hajj/umrah/jamaat)? Insha'Allah I'll go someday!

6. Do you wear hijab/niqab? I wear hijab and jilbab full time. Unfortunately, when I'm visiting my family I wear neither because they don't know I'm Muslim, but I still consider myself a full-time hijabi since I am essentially forced to stop wearing it. I don't wear niqab because I'm not sure whether I believe it's fard or not, but Insha'Allah I'd like to try it out someday, even if I decide not to wear it.

7. Would you like to make hijrah? Not really, because when I'm at school in Boston I can practice Islam just fine. Also, there's really no country in the world that is actually "Islamic", even if the country has a majority Muslim population. I think that as long as one can practice Islam without persecution, they don't need to move. Even then, I don't think hijrah has to be made to a Muslim-majority country, just a place that has a Muslim community and where Islam can be practiced freely. For example, I consider my return to Boston after spending time at home (where I am forced to be a "closet Muslim") a hijrah of sorts.

8. Are you married? If so, how long has it been? If not, when do you want to? I am not married right now. Insha'Allah, I would like to start seriously thinking about marriage after I graduate from college in two years.

9. Do you have children? No, but someday I will Insha'Allah! I even have the names picked out!

10. Do you label yourself (Sunni/Salafi/Shi'a/Tableeghi etc)? I guess I consider myself Sunni, but frankly I think that labels are a bad idea because it only divides the ummah.

11. Is your family Muslim? No, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian.

12. Do you have any Islamic goals? Definitely; I want to pray more sunnah prayers, I want to memorize the entire Qur'an, I want to become an Islamic scholar (yes, there are women scholars, but not enough of them!), and I want to perform hajj Insha'Allah!

13. Favorite Islamic book? The Qur'an (obviously), but I also really like "Fortress of the Muslim", a little book that has du'as for all occasions.

14. What is your favorite thing about Ramadan? People tend to be in a very sociable mood. I am also more conscious of ALLAH during Ramadan, Alhamdulillah. And I LOVE Laylat al-Qadr.

15. Favorite Quran reciter? Mishary Bin Rashid is very good, Masha'Allah. There's also a girl who went to my school who is amazing, Masha'Allah.

16. Would you recommend any good Islamic books? "Fortress of the Muslim", and "Islam: Religion of Life" by Abdul Wadud Shalabi.

17. How many Ju'z do you know? Only part of Ju'z 30. :(

18. Favorite Hadith? There's one where one of the sahaba (ra) sees the Prophet (saw) crying, and when he asks what's wrong, the Prophet (saw) says that he's sad because he will never get a chance to know the Muslims of the future. I tear up just thinking about it, because it makes me feel like Muhammad (saw) loves me and knows me personally, even though we have never met.

19. What do you like best about Islam? I don't even know how to answer that, because I like it all.

20. What do you think is the best way to spread dawah? Simply by practicing what you preach.

21. For converts, what got you interested in Islam? For born Muslims, what sparked you into being a practicing Muslim? It's a long story, with many parts, but it boils down to a movie ("Not Without My Daughter"), hijab, and A LOT of reading. I knew that I wanted to become a Muslim after becoming convinced of ALLAH and the truth of the Qur'an through the alleged scientific miracles in the Qur'an (some of them simply can't be explained any other way other than that ALLAH revealed the Qur'an).

Fill out the survey if you're interested Insha'Allah!

Instead of writing my paper and studying for finals...

...I'm going to write about one of my biggest hopes and dreams!

When I was a kid, I used to attend an overnight summer camp run by my church. It was a normal summer camp where we did all the usual stuff like hiking, swimming, capture the flag, dodgeball, dances, etc. We also did daily Bible study, sung Christian songs, had vespers services (evening services where we read from the Bible and sung hymns), prayed together, and took time out of the day where we stood in a circle and named one thing we were thankful to ALLAH for. My experiences at camp were some of the best of my life, Alhamdulillah. I met so many new people there, always had a ton of fun, and returned home with a renewed burst of faith. I still attended camp even in my early years of studying Islam, and Alhamdulillah, the faithful atmosphere increased my iman even though it was meant for Christians. I started to develop a dream; I had such a great experience at this camp, and I wanted Muslims to have the same chance to have fun and boost their iman. From then on, I have had a dream to open up and run an Islamic overnight summer camp for girls.

This camp would be located on a big patch of land out in the countryside, preferably in the mountains or near a beach. The camp would be open to girls of all ages, from grade school through high school (the different ages would attend at different times, though, so they could all do age-appropriate activities). There would only be female campers and female staff, so hijab rules could be more relaxed than usual; the campers and staff could certainly wear a headscarf and jilbab-type clothes if they wanted to, but they could also choose to go hijabless and wear short sleeves and capris (or pants and skirts below the knee). There would be swimming and all the fun camp sports and games. We would all eat together and pray salat together in congregation (unless some girls come from traditions where women pray alone). There would be daily Qur'an study in some way or another. For the younger kids, we would perhaps focus on a story of a Prophet and do activities surrounding this story, and for older kids we could focus on a surah or a concept found in the Qur'an (like forgiveness or gratefulness). We would gather around a campfire at night and sing nasheeds together (a lot of the songs we sung at camp were actually very Islamically appropriate, i.e. glorifying ALLAH with no mention of Jesus (as), so we could maybe sing these songs as well as other nasheeds). At my camp, the older kids and teenagers had "quest groups", where people would be divided up into groups and discuss certain issues and their feelings about things; it was a great bonding experience and really made us think about issues and how we apply religion and morals in our lives.

I think having a camp like this would be a great addition to the ummah. It is very hard to be a Muslim in the United States, especially as a child where there are so many "no's" (parents say, "no, you can't eat that", "no, you can't wear that", "no, you can't watch that", etc.). An Orthodox Jewish website that I visit sometimes was saying the same things about Jewish kids, how they are always being told by their parents that they can't participate in what all the other kids are doing. It can be tough for kids to understand and accept this, and in fact they might grow up resenting Judaism (or Islam) for "preventing" them from "being like everyone else". Instead, the website wrote, parents and educators need to focus on the things the kids CAN do. Alhamdulillah, ALLAH has made so many things halal for us, and we are free to enjoy these things for His sake. Being Muslim does NOT mean being miserable! On the contrary, we can enjoy a lot of things and, best of all, know that what we are doing is pleasing to ALLAH and glorifying Him.

This endeavor would definitely not be an easy goal to accomplish, and certainly not a cheap one, but Insha'Allah I think that it is certainly doable. If, many years later, you have daughters or granddaughters or nieces and hear about a camp run by a sister Anne, send them to it Insha'Allah! I may even give you a discount on attendance fee! :)

Now, time to stop dreaming and try to work on this paper. Or just fall asleep. More likely fall asleep. :P

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu!

New Sister!

Today, May 5, 2010, fellow blogger Elizabeth officially took her shahadah! ALLAHU AKBAR! Visit her blog at http://chickenxlicken.blogspot.com/ to send her well-wishes and du'as, Insha'Allah!

Ya ALLAH, please bless Elizabeth as she starts her new life as a Muslim. Please guide us always and keep us always on the Straight Path, and to always do what pleases You. Ameen!

Lame-o Update

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu everyone!

The school year is drawing to a close, Alhamdulillah. I only have one more day of class and the finals to take, and then I'm off for three months Insha'Allah. I must say that I'm really looking forward to the end of classes; academically, this has been a very difficult year for me. I had to decide what I wanted to major in, and I changed my mind at least three times before I finally decided on sociology (which I absolutely love). I took a lot of really tough classes, including a soul-crushingly hard Chinese class. It was so hard, and I was doing so poorly in it, that I actually decided to withdraw from it today so the grade won't show up on my transcript. Not the best thing to do, but it still looks better than an F. :P

As of now, I am jobless for the summer. I need to start applying for jobs PDQ before they're all taken by other desperate college students. And yes, I would consider myself desperate. I really, really need to make some money this summer because I just found out that due to my parent's financial situation, I will have to pay for half of my college tuition for the rest of the time I'm in school. I'm not complaining, though; Alhamdulillah, my parents have been so generous with paying for college and have had to make a lot of sacrifices to ensure that I stay in school. I can't expect them to keep struggling so much for my benefit, so it's only fair that I ease their financial burden. However, this does mean that I've got to get on the ball in terms of earning money and taking out loans and the like. Now if only I could find a way to do this that doesn't involve interest...

As excited as I am for the end of classes, I am also kind of dreading the summer. For those of you who don't know, I dubbed last summer the "summer from hell". Both my best friends were out of the country almost the entire time, I had an incredibly boring job, and I had to help my family do repairs on a two-family apartment building that we rent out (after eight hours of office work). I could deal with all of this, for the most part. One thing that was very trying, though, was trying to practice Islam without being discovered. It was my first time being at home for a long period of time as a Muslim, and I was terrified of being caught. Every prayer was done in secret, I was forced to stop wearing hijab, and halal food was non-existant (and I don't just mean meat; my parents put alcohol in A LOT of our meals). Worst of all was Ramadan; trying to fast without anyone noticing for two weeks was excruciating. This summer, I'll be at home for almost all of Ramadan. I am very concerned whether or not I'll be able to keep it a secret. If I have a full-time job, it will be easier to disguise, and I am planning on visiting my friends a lot during Ramadan to get out of the house as much as possible. If I am forced to break the fast, like I have absolutely no way around it, I (very reluctantly) will (and ask for forgiveness and make it up later), but I would obviously prefer not to. I guess I just have to see this as a test of sabr and iman. You know what they say, "if ALLAH brings you to it, He'll bring you through it", and "On no soul doth ALLAH place a burden greater than it can bear". I will most likely be writing a lot more about this topic. In the meantime, please make du'a that I get a job and am able to practice Islam to the best of my ability while at home without being discovered.

Salaam alaikum! <3