Confused...

Salaam alaikum everyone,

Insha'Allah you are all in the best of health and iman.
I know that in Islam women are equal to men in all spiritual matters. ALLAH makes this perfectly clear in the Qur'an in 33:35: "For Muslim men and women,- for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise,- for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward." Subhanallah, this is one of my favorite Qur'anic verses.

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the stereotype of the "submissive Muslim wife": the wife who adores her husband to the point where it almost seems like worship, who does everything he tells her to do, who never gives her opinion on anything, who waits on him hand and foot and expects no help or thanks, and who dismisses any abuse he dishes out to her because "that's just how men are" or "I deserved it". All of these things seem to be totally based around fear and a sense of duty rather than love and mercy. In the Holy Qur'an, ALLAH has said "He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)..." (30:21). From what I gather from this verse, the relationship between husbands and wives is supposed to be one of mutual kindness, love, and respect. The Qur'an calls spouses "garments" for one another in 2:187. Both the husband and the wife need to put effort into the relationship; it can't be all give or all take.

I have been reading a few articles recently about the ideal Muslim husband and wife (no, I'm not planning on getting married anytime soon, Insha'Allah), and I have been getting mixed messages. Some have emphasized these Qur'anic verses and the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw) on how the relationship should be; they acknowledge the rights that each party has over the other, and they urge people to follow the way the Prophet (saw) and his wives lived and, most importantly, to help each other follow ALLAH to the best of their abilities. Some articles, however, seemed to fall into stereotypes. The sections about ideal Muslim wives was a mile long, saying how they must strive to keep their husbands completely happy and always obey him in everything. The sections about the ideal Muslim husbands, however, wasn't nearly as long, and basically said to be nice to your wife and help her out "from time to time". It seemed like the wife has to devote her whole life to her husband, while the husband doesn't have to do much. These articles also backed up a lot of their statements with hadiths. But it also seemed like they stretched the meanings of the hadiths out, like they took the hadiths and made big generalizations about what they meant.

I hope to get married one day Insha'Allah, and I will definitely try my best to be a good wife, following the Qur'an and Sunnah. Nevertheless, I also want my husband to be devoted and loving. I want us to have a relationship where we are like "garments" for each other, and where we have true tranquillity between each other.

Does anyone else get mixed messages about the interaction between husbands and wives? I don't want to disobey ALLAH in terms of how a woman should treat her husband, but I also don't want to feel like a "little wife". Any thoughts/advice?